[[*W i n t e r T e a r s*]]

27.3.06

[[things getting on my way]]

somehow the feeling of 1st 3 months has disappeared. vanished into thin air. where is it? i want it back badly! i could even sense the extreme changed within myself. what's going on? i really want to know.. but i don't.

continuing on my loss of wallet.
on sun went around yishun, sembawang to get replacement of cards and etc. all the trouble. PLUS naggin n naggin from my dad as usual. but somehow though everything turned out to be as expected (their reactions) i felt really guilty. somehow or another i rather they scolded me. punished me. rather than the emotion and psychological torment i have to go through due to my guilty conscience. ><
hmm. didnt manage to get any wallet though. i have to make do with whatever i can find at home. which totally sucks >< well. actually maybe not that bad to think of that. BUT still i want a proper wallet please..

things seem to be getting in my way and against me nowadays. today ms ng suddenly pointed out that my skirt is too short. i have never been pointed out due to my uniform in my whole study life. this is the first time! first ever. i was partially shocked and in a daze (actually to think of that, i have been in a daze for the whole day.) all i replied was orh. okay. hm. but compared to some of my other classmates' skirts mine is okay! but somehow she didnt pick on them. why me? ><

today kenli was saying that i look really sad and stone today. really? i wonder why. maybe my real emotions are all showed on my appearance. actually recalling back, i can feel a difference in my attitude and behaviour too. maybe just 'cause i started the day wrongly. stoning on the bus -.-"
just got another comment. i look really worn-out? since i got into SC. i do feel tired. but i seriously doubt that's due to SC. it's due to.. well. this is quite obvious. the travelling distance everyday! i think i m getting really tired of it. BUT it's just march 06 NOW! i have to continue this lifestyle till dec 07! thats almost 1 and 3/4 year. okay. i shan't continue on this and make myself feel miserable.

aim of the week: to stay motivated, enthusiatic, and optimistic! (:

[[Story Written On By pZ]]*|11:05:00 p.m.|

24.3.06

[[band off to hawaii]]

it's a normal school day. a normal friday. as usual, i thank god its friday (: but there's sth missing. sth lost. sth abnormal. where's christa?? where's the band ppl?!! oh! the hawaii trip. or rather competition. argh! they are just missing the day's lesson so that they will not be so tired. BUT i m missing them already! oh no! how m i going to take this for a week?
-i never knew how much i love the band and the ppl till today-
the long breaks today seemed longer than usual. where's christa? i m simply distracted. where's the mad girl who laughs with me for practically anything or in fact nothing? i may sound lesbian here. but this is seriously wat i feel! i miss you loads christa!!
-i wonder where are they now? sleepin on the plane? playing cards? i miss them-
as expected, after sc meeting, i went with val to changi. darel and his brillant idea to go over to the other side to take 31. wasted our 20 mins there waiting. oh wells. when we reached there, they were all there waiting and simply talking and etc. we passed zhi yuan the bottle of stars. i seriously hope the small effort we put in foldin those stars can help the band (: though it's really pathetic, thats so much we can do in such a limited time and manpower. you guys must try your best k? i will always be supporting you guys!! go all the way!
-how nice it will be if i m there with them!! ><-
all the emotional stuffs really got into me. i am really missing them so much! cried a little on the journey home. thanks so much to those who tried consoling me. i appreciate it a lot. but.. it didnt work. anyway its the thought that counts. thanks.
my dear christa, christie!! i m missing you guys soo much already! aHH!!
flautists!! oh no.. i m getting back the crying feeling again. ><

adding on to my misery of missing them so much. i lost my wallet! with my ic and ez link! >< i don't know how to start telling my parents. if my dad were to know, i think he would probably scream his head off. to think of it, my key is inside too! this sucks!! whats so wrong today? everything seems screwed and wrong! we (me, mich, christie, christa, their parents) went round the airport to do the necessary stuffs. ie report to police, lost n found,etc. i felt really guilty for having them to waste their last break before getting on the flight just waiting for me!>< i m screwing things up. what a failure i am! it's all my fault. i lost all my appetite. but forced some biscuits into my stomach when i reached home.

What a day today! i really miss the band! I am so going to go band room every morning! argh! but there's all the morning duties and meeting for sc in the morning!! WHY MUST IT BE LIKE THAT?! why's life always filled with depression and sadness? to show the contrast to happiness? i don't see a need for that!

[[Story Written On By pZ]]*|11:21:00 p.m.|

19.3.06

[[elects' camp!! post camp blues..]]

whee! elects camp wasn't tt scary as most of us thought to be actually. at least to me (: in fact i really enjoyed myself a lot! now all the post camp blues are filling me up. I realli love and miss all you guys man!! elects 06 YOU GUYS ROCKKS!! 22nds you guys are totally great!!
w/o all of you, i seriously doubt i will be able to survive through the whole camp.. and wats more have sooooo much fun!! (:

In the short 3 days, I felt as if weeks have passed. The egg given to all of us was like a constant reminder to us to be alert at all times. 'cause even the slightest mistake can be pointed out by anyone and used as a "weapon" to shoot us down. With each broken egg, we were given 3 more eggs. To all of us who never experienced this before, the egg was really a great burden. but i must say i felt really guilty when i accidentally allowed lay peng's egg to slip off my hand. >< i m SORRY! the sight of the broken egg filled me with guilt >< next when i was carrying the mattress back to the storage room, i accidentally used too much energy and cracked the egg slightly. I even had to use my shorts to clean the mattress of the egg yolk. though it was quite disgusting to think of it. It wasnt that bad. BUT when nikhil hit my hand when he was running past, I dropped the egg!! >< a total of 2 eggs lost!! hais.. that shows how much of responsibility i have! i seriously shld reflect on that.

i miss everything in the camp. POST CAMP BLUES AGAIN! from the scoldings. to the fun. to the bitching (though not realli lol!) to the ppl. to the un-based scandals. etc. even the tough times of punishment. when my knees and palms hurt till the extent i almost couldnt take it. but the supportive words from each and everyone's mouth really pushed us on. I never knew simple words like "perserve guys!", "We can do it! come on!" can actually make such a great difference. I must really say I have learnt a lot from everyone. clara esp (: she's forever so supportive and encouraging. even though she herself was on the verge to collapse, she always make the extra effort to encourage all of us. clara u rockks! now recalling back. all the lessons the snrs have taught us are really useful. it applies everywhere. communication, team spirit, unity, etc. w/o all these, it is impossible to survive well in this world. in short, I really really MISS ALL OF YOU!!

my dear facilitators too!! enqing and yi yun (: w/o your help and support, esp during the hike, i doubt we could have last all these thru. the sessions just before bedtime with u guys really cheered and lightened the mood. esp after the scoldings from the dis-co. I LOVE YOU GUYS!!

feeling realli emotional now.. feel like crying it out. but somehow tears don't seem to come out.. oh wells.

there's so much so much we went thru tgt in the short 3 days camp. it has been as if a week or even a month has passed by. i realli appreciate all the snrs hard work. esp those who had to scold us soo much. it realli sucks to scold ppl soo much. esp to ur jnrs. It might even cause u guys to sacrifice gd relations with us. but be assured i not only will not bear grudges on you all, in fact i admire you all and am really touched for everything you have done for us. (:

enough of emotional talk.
after the 3 tiring days of elects camp, i went home to take a bath. and i realised sth!! taking a hot bath can relieve one of tiredness!!
after the hot bath, rushed back to vj for my 2nd camp : piano ensemble camp (:

though i think qte a number of ppl had left the camp, i still made qte a number of frens. and i realised a small cca can be realli fun too (: the snrs are realli lenient compared to sc though.

during dinner, i was having a small chat with terence. heard abt his bad encounter just that afternoon with some victorians.. we realised how valuable the lessons the snrs have taught us all.. both of us really miss the camp loads!! all the ppl!! simply everything >< i m seriously having post camp blues..

Elects camp has been so far the only camp i ever had post camp blues. usually after a camp i would feel so exhausted to feel anything of that sort. but despite my exhaustion, i felt a sense of loss. as if sth was missing. all the sort u feel when u are missing something a lot. thats exactly how i feel.

after that on thurs morning, left early (which i realli hoped i didnt have to ><)
for band urban hike!! its realli fun!! hahaha.. the skit.. lol!
every grp (almost) imitated timothy! lol!! he's sooooo cute!! HAHAHAHA!
his "wat sia" even became part of his group cheer. cool sia! LOL

urban hike was nothing physical compared to elects camp hike. haha.. but it was realli fun too (: hmm.. well.. the finance part was a little tricky tho. >< i bet after all the clearing and spliting of money, all our pockets have a huge hole! >< oh wells.. so much of bribery.. haha.

oh! one disgusting task.. the condom one >< GROSS!! its the 1st time i ever seen or touched one. it was like eewww!! my gosh la >< i will never want a 2nd encounter with that again ><

one thing great! i got to know more ppl in the band!! haha.. isnt that great? it has been realli hard for me to bond with the band ppl and know them.. hmm.. hopefully i can make it for JTS and that will be another terrific chance for me to bond (: i realised i m simply addicted to making frens!! haha..

FRIENDS ROCKKS!!

[[Story Written On By pZ]]*|12:50:00 a.m.|

[[relationships]]

are they that important?
sometimes when all alone, bored with nothing much to do..
when the mind wanders..
its the only time i yearn for one. is it just due to pure selfishness for someone to fill up my lonely times only??

studies. young age. ignorance. etc. all these so called "sensible" reasons.. are they really my reasons to all these?
or is it just pure selfishness? to protect myself from harm. afraid to get hurt in the process. lack of courage to step out of my comfort zone of friends.

Reflections.. are all these real or not? do they always end up with heartaches and "bruises"? i really wonder..

[[Story Written On By pZ]]*|12:43:00 a.m.|

6.3.06

[[O2]]

yay! O2 tml!! first baby for 2006 SC elects! go ad hoc! i will support you guys in the best way i can..
but erm. why assemble soo early??
you know i have to take the 5.28am train (which is like the 1st train)
this sucks man! ><
anyway so late alr!! haha. i havent sleep. i must be mad alr.
i think so too..

now recalling what my OGL said..
no one who enters VJ comes out of it sane.. hahah!! thats SO TRUE!! LOL.

hmm.. my fingers and hands are so tired and lazy alr.. shall end off here (:

oh ya! last thing to add! good luck for all appeals!! (:

[[Story Written On By pZ]]*|1:34:00 a.m.|

[[*The Writer*]]

name: peizhen
bdae:05 may 1989
age: 19+
horoscope: taurus
nicks: pz
skool: peiying pri, st nicks, vj, nus
location: singapore
worth: $2,133,082

resolution: none currently

[[*My Adores*]]

food:any food!
drinks: iced cold ones! esp chocolate!
pastimes: listening to music, playing music, slacking, stoning
people: all who consider me as a friend! (:

[[*My Detests*]]

people: none so far! hopefully forever too!
food: anything tasteless or taste horrible!

[[*Music's Playing*]]

artist: tank
song: give me your love

[[*My Past Memories*]]

[[*The Conversations*]]

[[*My Friends*]]

[[*Credits*]]