[[*W i n t e r T e a r s*]]

15.5.08

[[deadlines]]

Well, I actually won't really label those days as deadlines.
But somehow I will only know my NUS application result at end of May. ):
And TODAY is the extended due date Cornell gave me to send in the deposit and acceptance confirmation.
I really really want to go overseas somehow. I don't really know why though.

[[Story Written On By pZ]]*|4:55:00 p.m.|

4.5.08

[[mistake?]]

With regards to the last emo bit of my previous post, it was resolved.
My mum suddenly, as if she read my post, said that she has plans for Monday and took leave for it already. WEIRD. but GREAT (: haha. I still do have my mummy for birthday. (I sound so much like a little girl, don't I? But it's always great to have your parents around to depend on (: )

Well that above is kind of a mistake I would say. But more of this 'mistake' that I kept seeing on this friend's sms to me.
A mistake not to view certificates/qualifications that highly...
A mistake not to have the appropriate qualifications for that age...
A mistake to like a nice girl while knowing that it's impossible between them... (not that the girl said anything about that)
A mistake of the world to indulge in such ignorance for branding...

And more importantly some deep reflection of what is life to me? to him? to you?
To some, earning the big bucks now is the thing in life. Money undeniably is important and vital for survival but it cant be the only sole reason for survival. If that's really so, I would have to agree with that friend.. That's a life not worth living for.
Sadly... I have been living such a life for the past 4 months. Working just for the money...
Putting in nothing other than the bare minimal to get the $$ at the end. I must admit that feeling is horrible. The past 4 months have 'eaten' so much into me and my soul that I m barely what I used to be.
The enthusiastic, work-driven, challenge seeking me... Where's that? Barely much traces of that in me now.
Left now is the person bearing the same appearance but not the character.. only one that is pessimistic, emotional, weak and ultimate slacker I would say. How sad.. Oh and indulging in self pity. That's the worst.
I need some stimulant in life. Seriously in need of that.

Back to the topic, are all those above mistakes?
Why has this society come to such stages of being so qualification conscious? It is as if qualification labels a person to be good and bad. Academics SHOULDNT be the only yardstick for judging a person, isn't it? Especially in the situation of getting a boyfriend/girlfriend.
Seriously, if a girl/guy dump you 'cause you lack qualifications, that person aint the right one for you. BUT.. it would be a different situation when it is due to communication problems arise from different backgrounds.
Personally I think the most important factors that would contribute to a lasting relationship would be good communication and understanding towards each other. Those are really important. Without that, simple little misunderstandings can just break the relationship as easy as the wind blows a feather away.

Well... to that issue on boyfriend, it makes me wonder when is the right time to get attached? My mom got attached to my dad back when she was only 17. So does that mean I should be now? (considering I am turning 19)
Haha I dont deny that I do fantasize on getting a boyfriend once in a while. But it is just so different in real life. I totally can't picture myself acting intimate with a guy. Not at all! Maybe with my mom, my sis, or even my daddy, but no others I think.
Talking about that made me recall the extremely freaky encounter of a guy trying to get me to know what it is to be high. Till now, I still dont understand how such a smart guy will become such a weird person. I sure wont want to know him in real life. The encounter online is bad enough.
And this links me to another topic! which is totally off from the title. That would be confessions. I personally think that confessions now has become increasingly lacked of sincerity. Those words might still be the same, but I sure do think that the method of saying them makes a lot of difference. Because of all these high technology now, an email/an online chat/an sms/a phone call would just do the trick. Of course if there was already something going on between the couple, those above will just act as a trigger to make them "formalise" their relationship as a couple. However, there are times that things aren't so. Just some personal opinions on that.
Writing about this really make me itch to call up my friend and talk all about it! Sadly, I guess she's asleep. Maybe I should just try my luck (: I must really say I owe this friend of mine so much so much that I probably wont be able to pay back enough.
Friendship is so precious, isnt it? Then why must people give it up for a boy-girl relationship? At least for now, I think friendship is sufficient. (:

[[Story Written On By pZ]]*|1:33:00 a.m.|

2.5.08

[[blue within]]

blue is definitely the color I see in everything now.
Not that I hate it or anything. In fact, I really love the color blue. Honestly.

Oh wells. After about a year of not updating my status, I just had this sudden weird urge to do so now. Not that I m hoping for anyone to chance upon here and see this at all.

Just a brief summary of the past year...
A levels gone. Results came. I did pretty well. Somewhat similar as for O levels.
Tried and stayed on a job for 4 months. Considered quite an achievement for me I would think. -.-"
Oh but I really dread everyday to work. Hearing all those brainless questions and complaints. There must be a problem somewhere. Either in the company or the people here just have nothing better to do with their time.
And seriously, next time if you call in to any hot lines, PLEASE DONT TAKE THOSE WHO PICK UP AS THE PERSON IN CHARGE. because we simply ARENT!
(not that I really bother now since I m out of it)
Tried on salsa dance lessons. Getting interesting now I would say.
Turned 18 ages ago and tried on alcohol? Love it! (: But weirdly can't get drunk.
Turned 18 and tried clubbing of course.. well.. I would say it is a good outlet to be my extreme usually unseen self. Go crazy and throw all my thoughts to the ends of the world.
About to turn 19. Realised I "aged" a lot more? Having some real serious memory lag / loss here.
Just watched "What A Girl Wants". Pretty hilarious show. Entertaining. The usual America Happy Ending plus a little of fairy tale fantasy. Oh wells.. all girls should just love those fantasy isnt it?
However, why isnt life really like drama? All those shows we see on big screens may have their down times but somehow there will always be this twist and helping hands to aid them through. Why isnt life so? Their happy endings all seem to come so quickly, so much so in time. But nothing is really in time here for me I guess.
Actually what I m going through aint any big deal.. seriously. In fact, compared to those starving out there in Africa, I m way more fortunate. Maybe it is just the weather that got into me, to be moaning so shamelessly at my already-so-wonderful life.

But despite all that, I still cant bring myself to say what exactly happened. Oh well. maybe part of it.
Felt really cheated. I pinned all my hopes on my mum to give me a nice birthday. spend time with me on that day itself. It's not difficult to fulfill at all. In fact, she was the one who suggested it in the first place. All the hopes just dashed like that because I didnt have difficult wishes? Because I didnt have specific wishes to fulfill? or places to go to? This is really unfair. I think she hasnt even bothered to prepare a birthday gift for me yet. When she took so much trouble and planned so much way in advance for my brother's birthday which is about a month later than mine... I accept that it's my brother's 21st birthday which is an impt age. But... why must I be the sacrifice? or at least I m feeling so...
So much had happened in the past few days.. But I get nothing from my mum. only her constant complaints of her worries on her enrichment courses, on her work, on her colleague, etc. My dad as usual never gave any. No one had exactly stood in my shoes and think how I would think about all these...
Of course. I know I must go on with life. Move on. I have always been able to do that.. without help. But why not this time?

[[Story Written On By pZ]]*|1:38:00 a.m.|

[[*The Writer*]]

name: peizhen
bdae:05 may 1989
age: 19+
horoscope: taurus
nicks: pz
skool: peiying pri, st nicks, vj, nus
location: singapore
worth: $2,133,082

resolution: none currently

[[*My Adores*]]

food:any food!
drinks: iced cold ones! esp chocolate!
pastimes: listening to music, playing music, slacking, stoning
people: all who consider me as a friend! (:

[[*My Detests*]]

people: none so far! hopefully forever too!
food: anything tasteless or taste horrible!

[[*Music's Playing*]]

artist: tank
song: give me your love

[[*My Past Memories*]]

[[*The Conversations*]]

[[*My Friends*]]

[[*Credits*]]