my world, my land

Finally

2010-04-25T02:49:00.002+08:00

Ah finally I remembered the weird email I used to create this blog.

Hais.

More to complain.

The stress of being attached.

Of course there is the joy of it. But somehow all your emotions seem to be linked to his as if the blood vessels are linked to the heart. You feel the blood vessels and you can feel the heartbeat.

I am having a difficult paper on Monday. And what am I doing now?

Hais.

Just because he is sad.

But... he is sad because he wants to do something for me but is faced with a lot of obstacles.

He feels dejected by his parents and like a kid picked up from the rubbish bin.

I can't help him. I guess no one can except his parents.

Hais.

How to continue studying like this?

Hais.

And more Hais.

i m not what u think i m

2009-03-25T21:30:00.002+08:00

I am not strong.
I am not good. Or in fact, I am horrible.
I don't have the strength to perserve on anymore. Can I just take the easy way out?

I am irresponsible.
I am lousy.
There's nothing in me that anyone should believe to be wonderful and capable.

Just leave me out for everything...

Reaction time!

2009-02-28T00:00:00.002+08:00

After all the efforts in making the present, I seriously felt that something is still lacking. Wanted to fold some origami and fill a glass bottle with it. But can't find any glass bottles in the middle of the night then. So oh wells...

Anyway that was my sole birthday gift to him (: Really hoped that he liked it! But somehow I got the feeling that everyone else appreciated the gift more than he did.. Maybe I am just thinking too much ): But the thought is pretty saddening, isn't it?

Anyway, luckily this time round, I didn't have any 'major' illness on his birthday (: It was a pretty normal celebration.. As I met him after my morning meeting with my project mates, we didn't have much time before we met the other vy 08 people. And they made me buy another gift for him (a $100 voucher). Interestingly, I bought it in his presence. Just that I refuse to tell him the value of it, and insisted that he will find out after he received it. Despite being extremely broke, the vy people made me pay more so that they can pay lesser >< HAISH.. I am so broke now... running extremely low in funds currently. especially when my parents somehow (don't know on purpose or not) refuse to reimburse my books money.

And back to his reaction to the gift. He actually saw it on Saturday (the day before his birthday). Other than "Thanks!", his first reaction was... "eh. this part here the thread a bit loose right?" How disappointing! ><>< And despite being bothered by it, I still have yet found a chance to mend it. Especially now that I gave it to him already, it is even harder for me to find a chance to mend it. I shall bring along thread with me everywhere I go from now on then..

Alright.. maybe I am really thinking too much. He does appreciate it. Just that, like me, he's not someone who is able to express out his emotions very well..

I am so proud of myself!

2009-02-22T01:48:00.002+08:00

To add on, I am sooo super amazed by myself! I managed to finish my 2 months long task (the cross stitch!) and my powerpoint slides all by 4pm on saturday. When I only got to know about the slides on friday night or rather saturday morning abt mn. I AM SO AMAZED! :D and at the same time, so happy that it made my day despite being stuck at home a whole day today. The happiness lingers even till now! LOL.

Let me illustrate a bit of the history of this 2 month long task - cross stitch.
I started my first stitch exactly on 2nd Jan 2009 and completed on 21 Feb 2009. That makes it 51 days in exact. OMG! That's actually a pretty long period of time but given the size and number of colours on the picture, it is actually an extremely short period of time. And not forgetting I have all my assignments, lab reports, lectures, non-academic projects and events to deal with. Handling it with 7 modules is really no easy feat. I almost went crazy. So I couldnt keep it a secret anymore (given the amount of time I see him which meant I couldnt do it) so I told him. Oh yes! This 2 month long project is meant to be his birthday gift. I chiong so hard so hard to do it in time. It seemed all so impossible back then. I practically had it around me everywhere I went. I stitch each time I have free time to spare. Everytime I have free time and yet I didn't have it around me to continue, I felt so restless actually. And this project really made a lot of my "first time"s. Let me list all the quite memorable "first time"s. 1st time I did cross stitch...
while travelling home on the bus, on the train and even waiting for bus
while being half asleep
while chatting online
while stressing over all the other stuffs
while emoing / crying
while being so sad by all the comments from my friends
while reading my papers (more of not reading actually. 'cause I only have 1 pair of eyes. LOL)
while running a fever
while having a stomachache
while talking to my friend(s) over the phone

First time I...
Fell asleep with needles and scissors on bed (that's practically every single night)
Fell asleep with threads all over my bed and pillow
Fell asleep... too many already can't remember.

It is basically like my little "baby" for these 2 months. All the time and effort spent in grooming it... now it's all grown and ready to leave me ): So she bu de!

But basically I am so super glad that I finally managed to finish it and somemore done it on time for his birthday! (: And I didnt know my random comment to give it to my friend (in my out of mind state) will cause so much an impact to him?! O.o Anyway so sorry lar! Didn't know will cause such an impact. ><

Updated!

2009-02-22T01:28:00.002+08:00

Just to keep all who so randomly popped by my pathetic and outdated blog informed...

I am over the stage of all those saddening thoughts of my previous posts! (: But still my friends have yet to see him and give alternative better comments. Nonetheless, I must say how nice my mum is to him!! I am totally jealous about that >< It is like he steal my mum from me already :p

Each time I mention him to my mum, she will get all so excited about it. It is like so major event each time he drops by. I obviously don't get such treatments (be it at home, or I drop by his house). For the latter, I actually don't mind not getting the attention at his house lar. Quite stressful to have so much attention, I must admit. LOL!

Let me just state one very recent example.
His birthday is tomorrow! or rather today ('cause it's after 12mn now). So many many weeks back I randomly told my mum about it. It was during his chinese birthday during chinese new year I think. And seeing my mum's enthusiasm over his presence, I went to remind her about his birthday last week or so on purpose, just to see what she will do. It is simply entertaining to see how much she actually fuss over things related to him! (jealous! but super funny! :D) And she started thinking about what to give him. In fact, at first she was saying she shouldn't give anything. Quoted from her "I shouldn't show that I have a good impression of him". But she has always shown so obviously that she is! Being so nice to him and all :p But minutes later, she changed her mind and started fussing over what to give, when to give and how to give. Asking me to pass to him, she felt was a little insincere and weird. And I had to go through all the trouble to ask him to come to my house just so my mum can give him something. LOL. Weird thing is she kept saying how guilty she is to make him come all the way here! -.-" On the other hand, he kept saying how guilty he is to make her wait for him.. 2 weird people. -.-"

In sum, everything is pretty fine between me and him. So all those negative stuffs on the previous posts are more or less over. (:

P.S. I have a really cute and entertaining mum! And of course I will make sure no one snatches her away :p

disappointment

2009-01-16T06:23:00.002+08:00

Why everyone thinks so horribly of him? ): haha. So far all shocked reactions and wonder why I made that decision.

Sadness. ):

How? How? Why is everyone so disappointed? ><

Oh well.. I shall just let the sadness eat me up from inside to out for the time being.

going nuts!

2009-01-15T20:23:00.001+08:00

I am going nuts! Totally unlike myself and just things I shouldn't and won't do out of my normal self! ><

WHAT HAS GONE WRONG? ):

oh wells.. I guess it will get back to normal soon. Not gonna think about it already.

attached

2009-01-12T01:10:00.002+08:00

okay. I guess to a certain extent I should at least mention it here on my very deserted blog that I am attached. Well.. usually people say one is happily attached/in a relationship. All the sweet moments and what not.

Well well.. mine is kinda different. Honestly speaking, it didn't really started that sweet. In fact it was a total mess and complications when it started. I actually wanted to take back my words. That was the kind of sticky disgusting situation I got myself into. Oh well. but that is history I suppose. But of course I did that for a reason! I am not that unreasonable and fickle-minded. It was more of a put on standby mode rather than a take back my words.

Anyway the situation now after the Yunnan trip is much better I suppose. At least it is not that complicated anymore (: I think I should be glad. But somehow I keep getting the feeling that I am missing out on something that I ought to know. I really dread that. Or maybe it is just that friend of mine who puts things in such a way that as if I didn't know it. For all i know, I already know about it. But still I HATE the feeling of being in the dark. It takes a hell lot of effort to feign ignorance about the existence of it (which I dunno what). Haish.. What have I put myself into?!

There is a solution that I just thought of! TRUST! absolute trust in him. But I am seriously fearful if my trust would be misplaced. I don't want to be cheated. >< HOW? argh. I am going crazy! Who should I trust? I know no one other than me would possibly know the answer to this question. But I really don't know too!

Gosh at this rate, I am going to suffocate from this struggle.

Ah okay. now I know part of it. And yes I do know of it already.. insecurity.. hmm.. but that's just the least? What's more?

Ah. my head is spinning from all these things.. I knew relationships aren't good things to step into. That's why my stand for pro-evergreen! My advice to all those not attached. don't get attached. haish..

Lastly for all those concerned about me, don't worry. I am far (at least I think pretty far) from a break up currently. Just the usual emo and think too much till my head spins round and round and round.

Leaving

2008-12-11T03:05:00.003+08:00

I am leaving Singapore for the longest time in my life. BUT i am not thrilled. not excited. and not sleeping.
I will be flying off to China, Yunnan on a YEP trip from 11 Dec to 1 Jan 09. Yes. Spending my new year in China. I wonder is that a happy thing? I would definitely miss my family dearly.

All the preparations and now is the end.
All the busy busy days for Venture Yunnan and now is the actual thing.

I need all my strength and energy to go through this 21 days long trip. But where are they? ): Feeling pretty lethargic now. Dreading every bit and second that is ticking by. I wonder why.

Shouldn't I be too excited to sleep instead?

And still the problem stays.. Can I just stay ever-green? I want to. How I wish I can turn back time.. A clean start all over again...

Once again longing for a friend to crap to but cant find any now. Maybe that's a good thing. So I can get my things done by 4am and start preparing to leave my house by 5am.

Have a fun holidays to all who are having holidays! As for those slogging hard at work/NS etc. Jia You! Good bye for now.

Love Vs Life

2008-11-25T02:46:00.002+08:00

Just less than 2 hours ago, I have a friend asking me these 2 questions:
What do you live for?
What is love?

These 2 questions are obviously of very different context. But that led me to ponder: can life exist without love? There are definitely zillions and trillions of debates over this, especially with the different aspects of love: motherly love, fatherly love, brotherly love, bgr sort of love, etc.

Personally, I do agree with the saying that humans are only different and alive 'cause of their ability to love. I don't deny that love is integral, but not all are necessary and needed, isn't it? I have survived well for 19+ years on pure parental love, siblings' love and love from my dear friends. Why must I then have to be attached and make a choice for that now? Can't everyone just be happy as friends, be it different degrees of closeness? I seriously can't tell the difference between a boyfriend and a very good friend I guess... haha...

Really yearn for someone appropriate (a friend!) to talk to now actually... Oh wells.. That's life, isn't it? Not everything is tailored to your preferences and desires, especially my extreme odd and random ones. What's with my emo-ness? >< I guess it's probably the examinations effect. Talking about that, I have only one more paper left! (: okay. actually 2. one more essay due on 26th nov before my last written final paper on 28 nov which would mark a wonderful end to my seemingly never ending semester 1 in NUS.

As much as I would love to say more and elaborate, I do have to get back to my essay...

males

2008-10-22T03:54:00.002+08:00

Despite having tonnes of overdue/about to due assignments to complete before the day starts i.e. 8am, I am blogging here. That's because there is just this recent (encounter? event?) that really makes me wonder what's with the opposite sex.

Before I go on, let me set a disclaimer! I am not being anti-male or an extreme feminist here. Just stating an observation I made from my recent encounters.

Somehow males do not seem to have a right concept what is positive persistence and what is annoyance. This is more or less referring to those males who claim to like some girl or somewhat like that. There has always been a saying that males should be thick-skinned and persistent when courting girls. BUT something very important that isn't said, is that there must be a limit to that! If not, you guys will just end up irritating and annoying the girls, not only making no progress to winning their hearts but on the contrary making them shun away from you.

Personally, I try my very best to be tolerant and not lose my temper, despite their blatant ignorance of my extreme lack of time coupled with extremely huge workload. Time is a rare commodity for me. (that explains why blogging is only possible at such a time in the 'day'.) However, even such times in the 'morning', I get phone calls, discussing nothing in particular just general chit-chatting. I do understand their supposed 'desire' to want to talk, but can they understand that I need my time to deal with my extremely huge workload and sleep? Well, in response to that, more often than not, they will claim that they do understand that. But somehow words don't exactly tally with their actions? Ha?

Oh wells. This sounds increasingly like I am 'bitch'-ing about them though that is really not my intention. They are really wonderful and nice people. "You should definitely have a chat with them!" (HAHA! Sure enough. I am still not over with the RH Concert - Rendezvous! (: I sure miss those late nights construction of sets.) Back to topic, from all these encounters, I basically increased my tolerance (at least it seems except maybe for these few days that I am just pretty snappy ><)

As he would say, let us embark on this learning journey. Despite being very much skeptical about that initially, I guess he's right after all...

Ah yes! I might as well take this chance to apologise for all the horrible things I have done! >< Feel really bad despite him reassuring me that it was actually a good thing that I told him. But who in the right mind won't mind that? ): Ah well.. I am just a horrible person (full stop).

This shall be enough for the 'morning' as I continue burying myself with my stacks of lecture notes and tutorials.

time to study

2008-09-23T23:18:00.003+08:00

It is now the time to study! Examinations just round the corner. How fast can time pass? I barely just missed sending off one of my friends to UK for studies. And here I am, vexing over whether I will have enough time to finish studying everything tested.

Gosh.

I am not even close to being prepared. And I am less than a week away from my first paper. (Luckily the papers aren't back-to-back) But seriously, I am dead worried for my CAP. ):

Enough said. Enough slack. Enough break taken.

I shall go on finishing my homework first (not even started mugging! ><)

catching up with passed time

2008-09-16T03:09:00.002+08:00

Firstly, thanks to all your concern people! (: Greatly appreciated it. That definitely provided an extra source of energy to pull me through the tough going times. (not that it is much easier now :p) HAHA.

Anyway really do hope that you both (anqing and beany) are doing fine now, in somewhere so far away from home ): Really really miss you guys a lot!! Just remember you are very very much missed back here in Singapore!

Just now by some random chance, I came across the birthday compartment of Facebook and realised that it is my classmate's 21st birthday today! How exciting!! That triggered all the possible fun and funky stuffs that can be done! (: Totally can't wait to see what is planned for him (hopefully there is something). Although I am not the one with the birthday, even as a bystander, I can so feel the happiness and the fun! (:

Moving on, I decided that I might as well check out other people's birthdays too i.e. those that are coming up soon. Going down the list, I see my colleague's name... Amy's name... Belinda's name! 28 October. As I was going through that, my lagg-ish brain continued with the thought: Okay! I shall set a reminder to sms beany.... Oh wait! She is not even in Singapore!! ): She is currently in a land far far away from me. Separated by miles and miles of land, ocean and air. That suddenly dawned on me - time passed sooo quickly! The last time I saw her was when I sent her off, about mid August? 13 Aug? Exact date I am not sure. But I am DEFINITELY missing her a lot a lot a lot! ):

Just as I went to review my blog, looking at my quiet tagboard, I see anqing's name. ): sadness! I miss her so much! She left so much earlier that I didn't even have a chance to see her. The last time I see her was... end of June!! That is approximately 2 to 3 months ago! oh gosh... I miss you so much, anqing ):

I miss the times we were still naive, knowing nothing more than the alphabets, and how to count to 100. How time passed so leisurely with the only thoughts in our mind to be what's up for the next meal... We were so tiny, small and cute then. Looking back now, the clothes we used to wear seemed so tiny. I can't believe we have actually grown that much. All these years, although we didn't always meet up very often, I am so used to be able to still meet up with you when a convenient time comes by. ): I promise I will definitely treasure all the gathering times when you are back!

I am so filled with nostalgia now that I don't know how to continue studying anymore. ): No amount of words can really describe how much I miss you both, but in essence, I really really miss you both dearly! Take Care!

screwed-up!

2008-08-28T12:44:00.002+08:00

How bad can things turn out to be?

Firstly, a whole series of days without proper/well/enough sleep. Reason being - helping a group of my friends campaigning for USP MC which actually ain't such a big event. We totally over-did it. How good a reason is that to cause severe lack of sleep and time to study/do hall activities and other more essential stuffs?

Secondly, I just freaking missed my laboratory session! How bad can that get? It is 20% of my grades. If my parents ever found out about it, I am so dead! And why did I miss my laboratory session? I woke up in time at 7am, switched off my alarm, hoping that the other 2 at a later time will wake me up. But apparently I heard nothing after that. All the way till 11 plus am which is like a few minutes away from the end of the lab session!

Thirdly, after freaking out over the missed lab session, I have to fall asleep again! And now I missed my lecture too. Thus another 2 hours on some other days wasted just to re-watch on the lecture online.

I am totally worse than crap. It is barely the start of the 4 years stay in university and I am already at this state. I really have no idea how I am going to survive through the 4 years without turning crazy. I meant really mentally nuts crazy. Gosh.

so tired of life

2008-08-15T02:02:00.002+08:00

I am just so tired of life. Especially my current pathetic life which basically isn't even a life.
As what the vj people would say, I am totally doing a 'peizhen' again! And the extent increased by double or even triple now! I am totally insane to have committed to so many things once again.

I am so tired that even as I am typing this out, I am dozing off. I probably cant make any other parts of my body now other than my fingers.

The feeling of perpetual tiredness is really eating into me. Making me someone really stone, someone really unenthusiastic, someone without emotions basically.

The feeling of perpetual hunger is really killing me. Due to my packed to the max schedule, I have skipping meals like crazy. Honestly speaking, I haven't had any meals (breakfast/dinner) with the rest of my hall people, when those meals are actually catered for us! I am such a money sucker, don't you agree? Wasting money by paying for the food and not eat them. Wasting money for buying outside food to eat instead. That's double wastage! There are so many people out there desperately in need of these money and here I am wasting it. I really hate me!

Now we are just left with total mind blank and brain dead-ness. Nothing is processing. Nothing is going through.

How I wish time would freeze together with my brain now... but of course it doesn't ):

really wrong?

2008-08-14T04:08:00.003+08:00

The title might not sound that right, but that is exactly what I have been encountering with the past few days. But before that, let me backtrack a bit to NUS RAG DAY! (:

NUS RAG DAY is totally the event of the year! For people who don't know about this, it is basically like Singapore's Chingay Parade. We come together as faculties, halls and make really beautiful floats out of 'supposedly' waste. (but seriously, the amount of money spent on buying materials is like crazily huge! ><)
And of course, with the floats, we have to do a dance performance linking it with the theme we get/chose? that I am not too sure. Anyway I was helping out with USP Rag Dance. I must really really say, the practices are like crazily long and especially to wee hours of the night! I have been reaching my hall at like 3am? And sleeping at 5am is becoming a norm to me. [well, now is a good example why I am still awake :p]
Anyway, despite the crazy hours of practice, we really bond a lot during those hours and hours of practice till every dance moves is like a part of our daily movements, just like breathing. LOL. That is a little exaggerated.
Oh yes! With the theme Caberret, our dance moves and costumes are totally scanty to the max. I have never felt that I am so slutty before. The hair, make-up, everything! OMG. Anyway to catch a glimpse of it, go search under my Facebook photos. There're tonnes of them. I wonder how could I have even gotten that cam-horring vibe when I was looking like that.
Just like all the performances, everything on stage zoomed past! Before I realised, I was off the stage, screaming with joy and hugging people around. All the crazy stuffs I have been doing is like to an end! And after I cooled down, I really felt a loss suddenly. Somehow, something is just amiss, isnt it?

After all the crazy fun, work sets in and it is the first day of school! And something sounding totally wrong happened. Basically, I shared a cab with this USP friend, and his cousin and his cousin's friend back to NUS. After that, my USP friend and I decided to meet at Central Forum to see the Al Gore's The Inconvenient Truth which is needed for a module that both of us are taking. But due to the weak speakers on his laptop, he went up to fetch the speakers from Chatterbox. BUT the plugs of the speakers couldn't fit into the socket! In the end, we randomly decided to do this tutorial for maths. Which is really random! Oh and in the midst of all these, I was helping him post his rag photos on Facebook. Anyway, this whole thing continued till 2plus am in the morning. And determined to watch at least a bit of the film (which was our purpose), we went up to Chatterbox to watch. It was freezing cold inside Chatterbox but anyway we found a cosy room and set up everything. Chosy as he is, he picked another sofa to sit on, and out of convenience sake, pushed the nearer sofa away and essentially blocked off the door! Well essentially, I can say that I was locked in by him. (this sounds super wrong, I know!) And despite the hundred and one times I wake up through out the whole night, I couldn't get out of the freezing room and just freaking walk back to my cosy hall. I waited and slept in really awkward positions, causing muscle cramps and aches till his alarm rang at 6.45am. Finally, he budged and woke up. Lucky for me, I had afternoon lectures only. I basically zonked off straight after taking out my contact lenses in my room. That was such a WRONG day!
And to make things worse, there continued to be increasingly weird and wrong places where we were seen together. Though there is absolutely nothing wrong and nothing between us. At least that's what I think so...

Another sleepless nite?

2008-07-27T04:10:00.003+08:00

well well. I am shifting into Raffles Hall tomorrow night! (: Or rather it is tonight actually.
Seriously I have no idea to be happy or sad about that.
Glad that Raffles Hall aint that active and thus not so taxing on me/my packed to the max schedule. But that means not so much fun too ): oh wells. Life and its sacrifices.

The past week has been really hectic. plus all the travelling up and down NUS. Gosh am I glad that I am going to stay on campus. Just one week of travelling and I can't take it anymore. Imagine for 4 years O.o I will probably end up skipping all the lessons. But that wont happen (: at least for year1.

Since on the topic of hostel, I shall describe a little more about my room. Seriously speaking, I think my room location is pretty good already. At least it is not at some dark corners of the staircases or anything along that line. LOL!
It has a greenery view just outside the windows. And outside the door, we have the badminton court (: Oh yes! That reminds me to bring my badminton racket along!
Ah yes! I almost forgot to mention. YingXuan is my room mate (: Yay! Though I havent exactly stayed with her in any camps or whatever-so, I believe she will make a wonderful room mate (: So excited by the thought that I am going to stay on campus. and not at home! HAHA. And of course in order not to waste my time, I am so going to pack all my time up with activities in school (: Then my stay in campus will be worthwhile!

enough of hostel talk. let's go on to school!
oh gosh. Just the thought of studying and modules/lectures/tutorials make me totally feel like slacking at home and do nothing but that! I don't want to start studying ): I havent had enough of fun! Everything just went past so quickly! How I wish I can turn back time.
Anyway studying aside, the bidding for modules/ selection of modules are totally giving me headaches. How to make a choice out of all the modules? All the different timing of lectures/tutorials.. How am I going to plan them properly (without making my eyes pop out from staring too much at the computer screen just to make sure nothing clashes)? And the worst is what will happen to me if I don't get the modules I want?! Am I left with nothing to study?! OH NO! sheesh.. All these thoughts are freaky while everything else is just a whole mass of blur.

Sheesh.. Let's not go on somemore about those horrifying stuffs. Anyway something fun and interesting about school! The USP community is just so cozy and fun to be with. I seriously recommend all to try for it! (: All the seniors are so friendly and nice (: No weird stares. No acting invisible. I am so looking forward for all those funky modules! (hopefully they are. :p) But the only thing is that I just don't seem to find people taking Chemistry in USP. Though apparently there are people taking Chemistry in USP. Hopefully I will get more chances to meet them (:

Well well all the orientations are coming up. And hopefully I do get to go for the Science Orientation Week too. So that at least I get to know more people in Science, and not be too much an outcast. :( But with all the clashes, it is quite mind-boggling to decide exactly which one to go for at which point of time. Though I seriously would love to just go for USP one! However, for the sake of knowing my neighbours, knowing my faculty/potential classmates, I have to go for the other 2! And really hopefully hopefully they aren't what they are described to be. (:

*pray hard*

sleepyhead

2008-07-24T01:04:00.004+08:00

For the past few days, all I can think of and all I feel like doing 24/7 is to sleep! Lie on a nice comfy bed with my pillow, bolster and blanket! (: That is totally heavenly.
But I simply don't do that. For example, I rather sit on my chair and blog about the heavenly feeling of sleeping than to really execute it. How weird can I get?
Yet I just can't stop fantasizing about my comfy bed. Soft. Smooth. Somewhere I can straighten and stretch all my bones and muscles. Soothe my aching body (which never stopped aching due to all the things I do)

Gosh what a horrible feeling to be always thinking of sleep!

Anyway this is definitely not due to lack of sleep. Because I sleep more than 8 hours. Maybe just the tiring thought of all the things waiting to be done. All the things lined up one after another. That thought itself drains off my energy. Yet I just simply can't stop myself from wanting to join more. Fill up all my time, though I really want to slack more than anything else. Seriously, what's wrong with me? But don't you wanna be part of all the fun things? I definitely want to! LOL. I just totally contradicted myself.

Anyway instead of staring blank and thinking about my bed, I should just go to bed! That's a short post for now.

I am just not the right girl

2008-07-23T02:14:00.002+08:00

I have weird habits. (or rather do weird things)
There's no consistency in things I do.
I am not the good girl type.
BUT neither do I belong to the naughty side.

blah blah.. the list is basically non exhaustive.

This reminds me of something a friend just mentioned to me. "I don't even know myself. There are simply too many facets of me." And another article saying that one trait of happily married women is that they have the ability to sustain the many facets of themselves, giving surprises to their husbands. But is that really true?
No doubt that will make life really interesting, but unpredictable too! Lack of security in life! (such a commonly used phrase) Actually even at times, I find my actions so ridiculous that I can't believe that I did it in a conscious mind. It is like I can't even control myself. If I were to turn back time, I definitely wont want to do that again.

uncertainty

2008-07-14T00:39:00.003+08:00

Life with its so many uncertainties... Is that to be feared?

The unknown future that lies ahead. That seems pretty daunting to me. Many people who know me might just laugh it off and say "What is there to be afraid of? Especially for you. I am sure you will have a nice bright future ahead." But is that really true? What guarantees that?

Nothing.

Just had a random short conversation with a friend on what is fear. What do you really fear? And it seems to be that he got some great insights on that or something. Mentioned that it can be such a great relief to know exactly what is your fear. But just a word - uncertainty. Does it answer all?

Let me start with a list of fears I think I have/had (and overcome it)
1. I used to have a fear of heights. Even if I was to just look down from the 1st floor, it will make me tremble in fear that I will just drop down and be smashed into pieces (or something along that line). But there was once my brother forced me to climb off the 1st floor and jump straight down to the ground level. And of course I was alright (if not I won't be here now). And I guess from then on, I overcome that fear. Why so? I guess it all boils down to the fear of the unknown i.e. how I would end up after falling down a 'great' height. That should count as uncertainty.

Anyway this post was actually drafted weeks back. And I totally can't think much now. Let alone do a reflection. So that's all for uncertainty.

Thailand Trip 2

2008-07-06T23:59:00.002+08:00

A continuation of my previous post.

Day 2 at Thailand
The sun-burnt day! We went to Ancient City and cycled around in there for hours. All of us ended up sun-burnt. But apparently I recovered super fast from the burnt. I am so fair now, especially compared to the rest in the group :p

Oh and 'cause of the van we rent for the day, we got the chance to dine at this pretty good restaurant (: It is supposedly to be with the sea side view. But the sea looks so brown that it looks more like a swamp. LOL. Luckily there ain't too many flies there.

Next stop was Erawan Museum. The building and walls there are really pretty. All the engraving and stuffs! The trip there inspired some ghost talks too. LOL.

After that, as planned, we went to Khao San Road, the Backpackers Lane. Thinking that they will sell cheaper stuffs from the name "Backpacker", but much to the contrary, the things there were much more expensive. All due to the Americans and Europeans there. >< Had a super boring time there. And ended up eating Macs -.-"

Day 3
It is time for more shopping (: We went to the known weekend market - Chatuchak. They sell a whole range of things from lights, decorations to clothes and accessories. Once again I bought so many things there, spending slightly over my budget for the day. But lucky for me, my previous day under-spending compensated for that day's over spending (:

I bought some souvenirs too. And out of all those things I bought, there was something that I really regretted buying just one. I should have bought more of it. But I was really really broke by then. It was the last item I bought for the day I think. But now 'cause of that, it somehow has a weird connotation. Oh wells..

At night, we went to another near-by market - Suan Lum. The food there was not too bad. After dinner, we split into 2 groups: 1 went back to bathe and have a massage, the other shopped around the market. I was in the latter group. I ended up buying some pretty cute keychains, hoping to pass to a friend who's leaving for australia for further studies. But SADLY I missed the gathering the day before her flight. ):

Day 4
Once again we split into 2 groups: 1 went to explore new shopping area (Siam Square), the other went back to Chatuchak to buy more items. I was once again in the latter group. I ended up buying a table lamp only. LOL. After that, instead of joining the other group, we went to another shopping area, only to find out that they don't open on Sundays. >< Lazy to cab to Siam, we just walked along the street stores.

Blessing in disguise. I managed to find quite a number of nice items (: There was this really cool money/card holder. The way it keeps money/card is like magic! For people who I am giving that to, I will show you the magic. HAHA.

Apparently, the other group had great fun at underwater world there too. They found cheap branded stuffs there too. Oh wells. I had my share of fun too I guess. We even went for a full body massage at the end of the day too (: Though not as shiok as I expected, but better than nothing!

Day 5
Time really flew during the whole trip. I still didn't feel as if I was in Bangkok. It just felt like a camp with all my friends around. A shopping camp that is. LOL.
It is the temple visiting day! We decided to sleep in after days of waking up super early and sleeping really late. We walked to the nearest temple - Wat Arun. The temple wasn't crowded at all. We just basically walked round and look around. In order to look proper, deborah and elise actually wore maxi dresses too. But in the end, they didnt walk round the 2nd temple we went.
But something freaky happened. Lay Peng actually almost fell down in the 1st temple and sprained her ankle in the 2nd. Freaky right? I was quite scared anything else would happen. After all, she's like the one in charge of this trip.

Aside from that, Carene was sooo blur. I totally can't believe she actually did that. Oh wells. that's just her isn't it? :p

After that, it was Chinatown! All the fabrics and really wholesale selling.. The wholesale is like mad. We actually need to get like 6 pieces to get the cheaper wholesale price. And unlike at Platinum, they must be the same design! Anyway, having nothing much that interested me there and feeling guilty for spending so much, I started on this whole crappy talk with yonathan. And found out sooo much about him. A different side which I never got a chance to find out ;) And once again I was on my hysterical laughter on every slight humour.

Instead of having the much awaited seafood at Chinatown, we left early and went back for manicure and pedicure. Gosh! The results of it was horrible! We really chose the wrong shop ): At the end of it, it was like 2 plus am. I was totally shag by then and pissed by the horrible colors and service. Other than that, I was totally freaked out and pissed with this disgusting guy who tried to follow me and my friend back to the hostel. Especially when it was only 2 of us girls. Seriously I find all those people who visits those areas disgusting and totally gross ><

After that, I wonder where I got that extra energy to check up some NUS stuffs there. Probably the worry that the deadline for that was just 10 july!! Anyway it is settled already (:

Day 6 - The LAST day
To make up for the closed shopping area on Sunday, Britney and I went there to chiong shop. But still the inside shops are like closed? Weirdos! It was kinda freaky inside too. As she was on the edge to burst 'cause of the sight of nothing she wants to buy, we went back to the more populated area of Pratunam and did bought some stuffs. So ain't too bad. (:

After that, we rushed to Siam Square to have hair treatment (: Smooth and silky hair! LOL. But sadly, Britney was over-charged. 'Cause she didn't want to get me into trouble. She didn't ask if she was over-charged. I felt so bad and horrible after that, as I saw her getting pissed off and upset. ):

After all of that, we met up with the rest. Lay Peng managed to get such a nice manicure and pedicure!! So jealous :p For lunch, we went for this jap buffet which I had a horrible stomachache in the midst. Most probably 'cause of suddenly eating a lot after starving for a long time.

Half a day was gone by then. It was near to 4pm. Time to get back hostel and leave for the airport. SO FAST! >< On the way to the airport, I sat on the front seat, squashed with my luggage and bags. Slowly, with the cool air-con blowing right into my face, I got pretty emo that everything and all the fun is coming to an end ): I really don't want all these to end. I don't want to step into this new phase of life.

Anyway another horrible revealation! I freaking upsized my luggage for NOTHING! I paid S$25 for NOTHING! My luggage was barely over 15 kg. My mood was totally off by then. The whole chain of horrible things. The end of all the great fun. ): If I was alone then, I would probably have cried. Oh wells. But I wasn't.

Anyway the flight back to Singapore wasn't that bad. Yonathan and I continued the crappy conversation. Asking from family background to everything. I definitely learnt a lot about him. (: That's something good. And I stupidly accidentally told him who was my crush. How dumb! ><>< So embarrassing!

After that, at the airport, I bought some wine, liquor and beer back. Without looking at the price! Quite guilty for that. And expectedly, I got a scolding from my dad for doing so ><

But all in all, the whole trip was fun and ended well I guess. Thinking back, I really missed all the people and the fun we had together in that short 6 days which felt like eternity at that point of time! (:

Thailand trip

2008-07-05T02:44:00.002+08:00

yipee! I am in Thailand, Bangkok now! The long awaited trip has finally arrived and I am already in the midst of it now.

Today is day 2 of the trip. But I shall start with the day 1.

Day 1: Flight to Thailand
The "oh my gosh" weird time at 0430 to reach the airport was so tiring and taxing on all 8 of us. Anyway, we still made it with nothing exceptionally weird happening to thailand. Just that I realised budget is really budget. Like what they say out there, it is a flying bus. The leg space is like "sbs bus" quoted from (I forgot who). I could totally feel every movement of the plane. It tilting to the side, moving left, right, turning, etc..

Cab to Hostel
All that talk about the taxi meter before the trip was all gone. The stupid rude taxi driver refuses to switch on the meter when the airport taxi stand obviously shows METER. And when we asked him to switch it on, he totally ignored us. Just simply refuse to. >< Irritating!
Despite that, we didn't paid that much either. The fare was still reasonable.

Shopping
To the fun part now. Laypeng, Britney and I totally went speed shopping. My eyes almost popped out at the end of it from seeing all the things. My legs were wobbly and near to giving way especially when I already suffered from a whole body ache due to that dance lesson the day before. The sleepless night didn't help either. But we still bought a pretty good amount of stuff. (: Kind of guilty for spending that much. My first ever shopping spree.

The Mixed-Up
Tired, blur and irritated. The 3 of us actually went to the wrong lobby to meet the rest. To think that I insisted so strongly that we were correct. Now I feel so embarrassed for that. >< Anyway after near to an hour of waiting around, or rather 'dying around', we managed to get them and met up. With that amount of baggage, aching bodies (esp legs), the cabs totally intend to murder us with that ridiculous cab fare back to the hostel.

The Blessing in Disguise
The walk to the final dining place was a long and energy draining one. We tried to jay walk (well actually everyone here does it) to the opposite side for food. 'cause we werent exactly liking the food we had earlier for lunch on that initial side of the road we were on. Finally making it there into the opposite shopping centre (Pratunam), we dragged our feet up to the highest floor where the food court is to see most of the stalls closed and the food court closing in about 15 min time. WONDERFUL! I just totally stoned off, got a chair and collapsed on it. Ah! that much missed rest for the legs! (: It was heavenly.
Well despite all those wasted walks and energy, we walked down the street and found a street side store with seats. Totally drained, we just settled for that although there were/was people/person especially against street food. But well well, the chicken rice turned out wonderful! It was just delicious. (: Everything! From the rice to the chicken (actually okay la. but it had loads of fats on it ><) to the soup to the satays (: yum yum! Later on, we even got to know that the chicken rice there is known for its splendid taste. What a good choice we made.

Back to the hostel
The cabs were still extremely expensive when we were done ): But in the end 4 sat a cab and the other 4 (including me) took a tutu. It was so fun! Like ridding on a roller collaster but just on actual road with cars on it. (But the air is horribly polluted) And despite the squeezy situation we were in, all 4 of us had a fun time on the short trip back.

The Night Life
Well actually our hostel is located at Patpong, the red light district in Bangkok. And just fyi, we DID NOT choose it 'cause of that. We chose it 'cause of the hostel's good reviews and rooms And I MUST SAY the rooms are really good, so is the hostel (:
Anyway after bathing, we all decided to walk around the area. Not the red light area. But somehow we walked right into it. HAHA! There were of course load of weird guys around, but also promoters asking us to go in? LOL. like excuse me? do we look the slightest bit interested? Out of the area we went and back in the right direction for some supper.
As we walked, we just reached the Patpong market, which was our initial plan for the night. Well, the things that were sold them are pretty common, not exactly appealing to me much. So I bought nothing from there. But there were more to that. The whole market was just next to this continuous stretch to no end of weird bars with girls in binkini dancing on table tops. Totally disgusting. We were continously being asked to go in and see some dunno what shows. Pingpong shows? Whatever the name is, I am just so not keen. Why the hell did we even continue walking right into the street? I really don't know...

Day 1 was more or less like that. Tiring and exhausting but good harvest for the shopping I supposed. (:

Anyway I will continue on Day 2 another day. Not as interesting as Day 1 I supposed. Just the sun burn part hurts now.

new stuff! new life! a fresh new start!

2008-06-30T02:46:00.002+08:00

great news for me! I got a new phone. FINALLY (: Though it isn't the perfect model I want, but it's close to it. Fair enough ;) One can't always get exactly what one wants all the time.
Well it is really close. It is slim. It looks pretty nice. It has pretty good camera. well well that's good I guess. And its new! (: haha..

Other than that, I got into LPP. Have I mentioned it before? I guess not. Well at least I am definitely getting a chance to go to either France/Belgium/Switzerland. That's better than nothing I guess.
But I still do feel something when it comes to all those overseas undergraduates-to-be. Gosh do I envy them. Oh yes! and all the best to Jum. Hopefully you can get your full or almost full sponsorship to get to UCL! Though the Imperial offer was a waste, but UCL is comparably good too (:
Ahh.. All these overseas people.. So envious.

Enough of the envy though.. Anyway the fact remains so, I shall stay in Singapore and do my best! The most I can do is to do extremely well and get to go for as many SEP as possible (: Really looking forward to that.

Oh yes! And it really seems that somehow things I am really bent to have, I just won't get it. While things I don't really expect much, I got them! How wonderfully weird. Anyway, though I didn't get into Medicine, I got an offer to stay in hostel. (: That's something to look forward to!

Whee with so many good things waiting for me, I guess I should say my life ain't that horrible after all. (: Shall take it as a "fresh new start" as quoted from a friend.

another one..

2008-06-26T03:27:00.002+08:00

Just finished watching "Definitely, Maybe" as my friend kept recommending it to be pretty good.
As for the late hour, oh wells.. I just decided I wont be able to fall asleep either.

But the title of the show really gave it away... Only one of the girls said that line! But the twist was really on who was the mom. I didn't expect that.

Humorous. Pretty touching. Pretty sweet.

Well well but seriously not as sweet as the book I just recommended on my previous post. After all, I guess a short film can't beat a whole novel. The space given to imagine, the ability to glide through the time all gave the book an edge over the movie. (:

Starting to get back my liking for books again I guess. Hopefully a good thing (:
And most importantly, be it the movie or the book, both have fairytale like happy ending (: That's what matters in the end. (Though not necessarily when in the midst of it ;))

I want a fairytale too

2008-06-26T00:59:00.002+08:00

well well despite the huge amount of spare time I have, I haven't been bringing myself to blog. As for why so? I really have no idea. Pure Laziness?

Anyway today or rather yesterday had a whole series of fairytale, be it on TV or novels. The sweetest fairy tale.. How I wish I have a fairytale too. Lead a fairytale life. (: How wonderful can that be?
Anyway for people looking for a really sweet romance novel to read, you should go get the book "If Andy Warhol had a girlfriend". Gosh will you feel so super lucky and glad for the main female lead in the story. It is really a fairytale came true for her..
Other than that, I just so happened to caught one episode of "The OC" on TV. Well, I must say the episode was pretty sweet too. True Love triumphs the materialistic and realistic side of life (:

Fairytale might have the best and happiest ending ever. The typical "Happily ever after". But there has always be villains trying to destroy every peaceful moment. And I can't deny that it is because of that trying period, that the fairytale ending seem all so right and sweet. Life is never that smooth sailing. (That would be pretty boring actually. Though I wouldn't say I would mind)
Well, if I were to be lucky enough to have a fairytale, now, the current period, this year 2008, is definitely one of the trying periods for me since I have been born into this world.
Maybe that meant that my life will turn for the better just like how fairytales go?
Maybe I will get something else in compensation? the saying that if a door closes, another window will open? (But it was me and myself that have landed myself into such plight? Not that it is that bad.. compared to many others.)

Regardless of what it is, regardless of how I am now, I would really want a fairytale too! (:

deadlines

2008-05-15T16:55:00.002+08:00

Well, I actually won't really label those days as deadlines.
But somehow I will only know my NUS application result at end of May. ):
And TODAY is the extended due date Cornell gave me to send in the deposit and acceptance confirmation.
I really really want to go overseas somehow. I don't really know why though.

mistake?

2008-05-04T01:33:00.002+08:00

With regards to the last emo bit of my previous post, it was resolved.
My mum suddenly, as if she read my post, said that she has plans for Monday and took leave for it already. WEIRD. but GREAT (: haha. I still do have my mummy for birthday. (I sound so much like a little girl, don't I? But it's always great to have your parents around to depend on (: )

Well that above is kind of a mistake I would say. But more of this 'mistake' that I kept seeing on this friend's sms to me.
A mistake not to view certificates/qualifications that highly...
A mistake not to have the appropriate qualifications for that age...
A mistake to like a nice girl while knowing that it's impossible between them... (not that the girl said anything about that)
A mistake of the world to indulge in such ignorance for branding...

And more importantly some deep reflection of what is life to me? to him? to you?
To some, earning the big bucks now is the thing in life. Money undeniably is important and vital for survival but it cant be the only sole reason for survival. If that's really so, I would have to agree with that friend.. That's a life not worth living for.
Sadly... I have been living such a life for the past 4 months. Working just for the money...
Putting in nothing other than the bare minimal to get the $$ at the end. I must admit that feeling is horrible. The past 4 months have 'eaten' so much into me and my soul that I m barely what I used to be.
The enthusiastic, work-driven, challenge seeking me... Where's that? Barely much traces of that in me now.
Left now is the person bearing the same appearance but not the character.. only one that is pessimistic, emotional, weak and ultimate slacker I would say. How sad.. Oh and indulging in self pity. That's the worst.
I need some stimulant in life. Seriously in need of that.

Back to the topic, are all those above mistakes?
Why has this society come to such stages of being so qualification conscious? It is as if qualification labels a person to be good and bad. Academics SHOULDNT be the only yardstick for judging a person, isn't it? Especially in the situation of getting a boyfriend/girlfriend.
Seriously, if a girl/guy dump you 'cause you lack qualifications, that person aint the right one for you. BUT.. it would be a different situation when it is due to communication problems arise from different backgrounds.
Personally I think the most important factors that would contribute to a lasting relationship would be good communication and understanding towards each other. Those are really important. Without that, simple little misunderstandings can just break the relationship as easy as the wind blows a feather away.

Well... to that issue on boyfriend, it makes me wonder when is the right time to get attached? My mom got attached to my dad back when she was only 17. So does that mean I should be now? (considering I am turning 19)
Haha I dont deny that I do fantasize on getting a boyfriend once in a while. But it is just so different in real life. I totally can't picture myself acting intimate with a guy. Not at all! Maybe with my mom, my sis, or even my daddy, but no others I think.
Talking about that made me recall the extremely freaky encounter of a guy trying to get me to know what it is to be high. Till now, I still dont understand how such a smart guy will become such a weird person. I sure wont want to know him in real life. The encounter online is bad enough.
And this links me to another topic! which is totally off from the title. That would be confessions. I personally think that confessions now has become increasingly lacked of sincerity. Those words might still be the same, but I sure do think that the method of saying them makes a lot of difference. Because of all these high technology now, an email/an online chat/an sms/a phone call would just do the trick. Of course if there was already something going on between the couple, those above will just act as a trigger to make them "formalise" their relationship as a couple. However, there are times that things aren't so. Just some personal opinions on that.
Writing about this really make me itch to call up my friend and talk all about it! Sadly, I guess she's asleep. Maybe I should just try my luck (: I must really say I owe this friend of mine so much so much that I probably wont be able to pay back enough.
Friendship is so precious, isnt it? Then why must people give it up for a boy-girl relationship? At least for now, I think friendship is sufficient. (:

blue within

2008-05-02T01:38:00.002+08:00

blue is definitely the color I see in everything now.
Not that I hate it or anything. In fact, I really love the color blue. Honestly.

Oh wells. After about a year of not updating my status, I just had this sudden weird urge to do so now. Not that I m hoping for anyone to chance upon here and see this at all.

Just a brief summary of the past year...
A levels gone. Results came. I did pretty well. Somewhat similar as for O levels.
Tried and stayed on a job for 4 months. Considered quite an achievement for me I would think. -.-"
Oh but I really dread everyday to work. Hearing all those brainless questions and complaints. There must be a problem somewhere. Either in the company or the people here just have nothing better to do with their time.
And seriously, next time if you call in to any hot lines, PLEASE DONT TAKE THOSE WHO PICK UP AS THE PERSON IN CHARGE. because we simply ARENT!
(not that I really bother now since I m out of it)
Tried on salsa dance lessons. Getting interesting now I would say.
Turned 18 ages ago and tried on alcohol? Love it! (: But weirdly can't get drunk.
Turned 18 and tried clubbing of course.. well.. I would say it is a good outlet to be my extreme usually unseen self. Go crazy and throw all my thoughts to the ends of the world.
About to turn 19. Realised I "aged" a lot more? Having some real serious memory lag / loss here.
Just watched "What A Girl Wants". Pretty hilarious show. Entertaining. The usual America Happy Ending plus a little of fairy tale fantasy. Oh wells.. all girls should just love those fantasy isnt it?
However, why isnt life really like drama? All those shows we see on big screens may have their down times but somehow there will always be this twist and helping hands to aid them through. Why isnt life so? Their happy endings all seem to come so quickly, so much so in time. But nothing is really in time here for me I guess.
Actually what I m going through aint any big deal.. seriously. In fact, compared to those starving out there in Africa, I m way more fortunate. Maybe it is just the weather that got into me, to be moaning so shamelessly at my already-so-wonderful life.

But despite all that, I still cant bring myself to say what exactly happened. Oh well. maybe part of it.
Felt really cheated. I pinned all my hopes on my mum to give me a nice birthday. spend time with me on that day itself. It's not difficult to fulfill at all. In fact, she was the one who suggested it in the first place. All the hopes just dashed like that because I didnt have difficult wishes? Because I didnt have specific wishes to fulfill? or places to go to? This is really unfair. I think she hasnt even bothered to prepare a birthday gift for me yet. When she took so much trouble and planned so much way in advance for my brother's birthday which is about a month later than mine... I accept that it's my brother's 21st birthday which is an impt age. But... why must I be the sacrifice? or at least I m feeling so...
So much had happened in the past few days.. But I get nothing from my mum. only her constant complaints of her worries on her enrichment courses, on her work, on her colleague, etc. My dad as usual never gave any. No one had exactly stood in my shoes and think how I would think about all these...
Of course. I know I must go on with life. Move on. I have always been able to do that.. without help. But why not this time?

OG BBQ

2007-01-21T20:34:00.000+08:00

let me go off topic a bit once again! well well. updates on my junior class. I heard there have been quite a lot of changes to my junior class! All the transferring of classes and changing of classmates. I wonder how's the ratio of ip students in the class now is like? but I am still pretty sure majority are still ip3. how sad is that? 4 years of same class. seeing same faces. boring! okay. enough on that. anyway that isn't really anything to do with me. Just that I probably won't get as much fun as if I have another junior class of a totally different and well mixed students. well the best is yet to be, I hope. Maybe ip3 can be really really enthusiastic and fun to be with. But so far results from the angel-mortal game hasn't shown me much hope.

Back to schooling! The "first" week of school. I meant technical the very first week when lessons start proper. I totally had a horrible time. Everything was totally screwed. As I was too tired out from orientation and basically everything, I totally had no motivation and strength to go for any saturday band practices. okay! I admit that that was totally and completely my fault. >< I am really guilty about that. So my resolution for this year till may 12 (or 11) is to practise flute as often as I can. Aim would be to go for self practice every week day except wed (and maybe thurs). I seriously hope that my playing can improve to at least an acceptable level. 'cause it seriously sucks now. Worse than any flautists I have ever met I think. I can really forsee a tough year ahead this 2007. *stress is already accumulating in me*
Other than band, my studies and tutorials are totally off the track too. Due to a long long period of time not even looking at studies, I practically lost contact with all the subjects. Maybe for maths, it is a little better 'cause I did a bit of the holiday revision exercise. But seriously, I can so see my results for common test 1. EEEEE. That's really looking at things optimistically already. For all I know, I might even fail! >< okay. I shan't be so pessimistic. Where's my motivation for academic pursuits?! Please come on back to me!
Well, there were also problems in my other 2 ccas, namely piano ensemble and science research soc. Lets tallk about piano ensemble first. Same problem as band I guess. Just that piano is like a totally exposed and individual thing. Since I was young and started learning piano, I never had a good fundamental skills. This totally sucks! Fundamental is like everything! So an advice for all who are planning or just started learning sth, (in fact anything, not just music) fundamental skills are the most important thing ever.

okay. just got distracted by a msn window. and what the hell!! I just freakingly realised I have physics SPA skill B tml morning! First thing in the morning!! How can I forget? Anyway all thank and really really grateful to have samuel as my classmate and asked me about physics spa skill b stuffs! OMG I totally think that he rocks to infinity! just managed to get myself to calm down and get my brain tuned to having SPA tml. and it aint any mock k? It's the real one! okay. some talking to myself again.

okay. back to the first week of school. now on SRS. my form for SSEF! totally screwed. I rushed the freaking report in like erm 2 hours or so. It was really a hell lot of stress! seeing the clock go tick tock and the time flying past like free. haha. but managed to hand it in! And I think they accepted it still. Luckily.. But if I really have to present, I will just die again. Need some log book or sth. I totally have like nothing? ha? dead la. I am just so screwed. forget it!

Some updates on the 2nd week then. It was much much better than the first one of course! My tutorials are like sort of on track. But nowadays just no motivation and mood for studies. Where's my studies mood? haish. Anyway the whole week I have been trying to get sth done for my crewlet. But apparently tgt with the fickle-minded nature and busy schedule of the 3 of us namely wingsum, danny and me. We obviously didnt get anything done but instead postponed it to jts. which is tentatively in feb. okay! I must really really start doing sth! speaking of which, I just recalled I have yet written to my mortal! okay! I shall start doing so after I finish off this post.
Finally to the end of the week, OG BBQ! okay! It was supposed to be a fun fun fun event. But apparently I ended up pang sehing my og and went off with sheena walking up and down. haha. I don't deny that was pretty fun. Going totally insane and seriously sprouting nonsense that totally makes no sense. LOLs! I did a hell lot of walking too. Oh yes! I managed to hear one of zeyi's songs. It was not too bad. Pretty cool to actually manage to compose ur own song! Hopefully he will go on and do so. (: Be a more successful musician than I am. I m like a total loser in that.
In the end, I pang seh guo jie when going home. And he waited for me for quite a while when it was already so late in the night! I feel sooo guilty! >< I obviously had to stay over in school. and it was the first time ever that I managed to sleep in school!! But once again, it was freezing cold even though it was just fan. haha. I even overslept and was late for band practice! How stupid. i shld have just stayed awake at 7 when i woke up and found mansoor coming in to get a blazer! so piggish of me! ><

I realised all my narration quite concise. Once again, I am not in crappy mood. No more long and detailed posts I guess. That's all till the next time I get my laziness off me and start blogging again.

orientation 2007!!

2007-01-07T02:35:00.000+08:00

haha. actually a lot a lot of things happened in the past few days or rather weeks that i didnt post. such as christmas, new year, etc.
one thing i regretted the most. i guess is new year's day and eve. i didnt really managed to stay around with my family and stuffs. maybe it is really time for me to realise that i shld really really spend more time with them!! family time is afterall of utmost importance! for life! okay! shant be distracted today. must focus on orientation!

orientation is always fun! and of course it is! and definitely better than normal lessons (: but anyway lessons aint normal though from what i see and hear from my classmates. LOL. somehow as part of organising and helping in organisation of orientation is sooo much more different from just going through orientation. of course! going through orientation is fun and exciting and also just simply getting surprises and fun! but organising comes with it resposibility and bits of stress. but also there is yet another different kind of enjoyment in it. knowing everything well and being the one in control. hahah. esp for gamemasters! spamming points giving like free! LOL. having groups of ppl cheering for me. hahah. that isnt qte fun. in fact kinda weird. maybe cos i m just not as egoistic as some people are. hahah. but i dont deny i can be quite thick skin sometimes. oh yes! but i totally totally hate that disgusting pirate cheer! got so pissed off when the irritating iago and ramese did that in front of me during the games. so inconsiderate! i'm like the only patriot there! >< so bad of them! :p i guess i will remember that for quite some time! but of course in a negative way!
other than that, the rest were fine. hahaha. it was really nice when one of the freshmen offered me water too (: though i think it is cause andy told them to do so to get points. anyway it really shows that it will definitely pay off being considerate and think for others. you will get ur rewards in another way. i am a strong believer in this! (:
gamemasters can be fun to be. but it also comes with a price. that is the time spent with ur og! haish. have been feeling quite guilty for not being there for my og all the time. always mia from them, etc. not a good ogl i must say. :( sorry! to my dear thaddeus (think)! i hope sea sports carnival can be a good chance for bonding us together! and of course i hope there will be more n more n more og outings even after o1! unlike my own o1 group. kind of just died off.. so sad huh? :( hahah hopefully this time it wont!
oh ya! probably cos of the games always being in the open, i got so much tanner. kind of weird to see myself tan. then my sister was saying that i look pale when i just woke up. kind of scary huh? tan alr still can look pale. i wonder how? haha. but i was too lazy to take a look at myself in the mirror. but talking about that i havent been feeling very well nowadays. i wonder why! maybe cos i slept too much ytd. haha. practically slept the whole day. so piggish! >< lol.
back to orientation! hmm.. kind of got a sore throat after eating that stupid ikan fish. haha forgot how to spell that alr. LOL. before that, i was like perfectly fine!! bad choice of food! anyway havent been having much of an appetite. food just doesnt seem to tempt me nowadays. weird huh? haha. and i dun seem to finish the food also. something bad i guess.. but what can i do? haha. (usually i dont care.)

anyway there's also my junior class! haha. quite shocked and surprised to get almost a full ip class. like 23 ips with 2 non-ip. i seriously pity those 2 who are not ips. but i do hope to see more enthusiasm i hope from ip. since they are like all influenced by the enthusiasm of vjc! but kinda no fun already. 'cause somehow they are like more senior than us in vj. being in vj one year more than us already. haish. except for the studies portion. i dun really see much in being their senior. haha. but nvm i guess. just hope for the best. they look quite nice and friendly people. through band i really got to know 2 of them already. and one of them is also from thaddeus too. so yep! not too foreign a class. (: which is great! but i hope there's jts!! please please... i aint a greedy person! i dont eat a lot. hehe.

okay. not really in a blogging mood today. can't crap much. thats about all i can think of i guess. lastly happy new year! since it is my first post of the year! (: smile and enjoy ur new year to all ppl reading it!

outing!!

2006-12-22T21:21:00.000+08:00

today as planned went out with beany, xinhui, yxian, amy, noreen!! haha it's like ages since i last saw them!! maybe not xinhui and yxian 'cause they came for vj band concert (: but noreen and amy... esp amy! hahaha. though our schools like just a few bus stops away, we are like sooooo distant! lol. and no one has any bit of changes! LOL. this is so cool! hahaha. and the weirdest thing is that all of us are still not attached! LOL. i am sure it is not that nobody wants us but just that we are all busy people occupied with proper stuffs to do! hahaha. this is like totally unexpected. I was expecting at least half of 4 faith'05 will have boyfriends. but apparently still far from that half! lol.
most important part about gathering is chit-chatting!! hahaha. and of course we chit chat a hell lot. just kept talking and talking and talking. with yxian and amy walking far far in front of us. oh yes! before i forget, they look totally like a couple with their back view. hahahs. and of course we the naughty children. but sadly noreen left first for some orientation preparation. hahaha. lucky mine isnt today. but ah well.. the time will come soon. actually very very soon. O1 2007 is like approaching in erm. 11 days! it is less than 2 weeks! can you believe it? haha. but it also means that my holiday homework and revision is due just as soon. argh. hate thinking of that huh? don't u all agree? LOL *slacker*
anyway back to the chit chat. me, beany and xinhui talked a lot! hahah. beany seems really having some big time scandal over at RJ. lol. unlike me, all calm and clear coast now. hahah. dont get why dont ppl get tired of going on and on teasing the same 2 people and matching them up.. oh yes! a qn totally slipped my mind! i shld soo have asked how did that scandal between him and her came about? hahaha. the events that she went through with her scandal is reallly supppperr interesting and definitely amusing. but sadly i cant reveal it here for the sake of all those looking for some entertainment. LOL. as for xinhui, just dun seem to have much scandal over at NJ. ah well.. maybe she just refuses to say? or are the NJ guys just cmi? oops. hahaha. not on purpose to offend anyone! any objections? feel free to spam my shoutboard with it. and I will gladly reply and make changes if it is really true. (:
oh yes oh yes. not leaving out yxian and amy.. hahas. before that! i just recalled a sudden realisation i made today. it seems that christians are quite particular about having a partner (life-time/short-time) to be of the same religion. It's like kind of the first thing they look for. hahaha. i remembered someone else said this before too.. this is quite cool. so a big big advice for those who are interested in girls/guys who so happen to be a christian, go devote yourself to christianity! anyway, it aint that bad. in fact it is pretty good. an experience coming from a girl who attended a catholic school for 4 years. yep yep (: to some extent, going to churches can be a fun thing to do! (: mixing with all your church friends and stuffs. going for camps, outings, etc. hahaha. sometimes, it kind of tempts me to go devote myself to a church, to convert to a christian from a free person! hahah. but i guess my lack of time and lack of motivation does act as a great hindrance to that. oh no. i am going way tooo out of point. haha. back to amy and yxian. yxian hahaha.. also another one arh.. so scandalous! soooo many guys ar. through OCIP. great chance ar. hahah. oh yes! talking about OCIP, i think its like soooo fun! hahah. sadly i cldnt go :( haish. all cause of sdd. yep yep. but nvm. i m a responsible person! responsibilities before entertainment!! (:
back to amy. as i said, soooo long didnt see her already! haha. since we dont really know a lot of tj guys and stuffs, so kind of difficult to dig out juicy bits from her. but as i said, she thinks that same religion is really impt! so ah well... everything from church which of course the few of us knows nothing about. hahaha. kind of a great escape route to the qn. LOL.

enough of the little bitsy bits of our chit chat at coffee beans. (but i still think starbucks rocks better!) lets talk about what we did today! WATCH MOVIE! charlotte's web which once again. sadly noreen didnt come with us. sometimes i dont deny it is really irritating and sad to be a councillor. u just have to give up the fun and go do the chores. like some labourer. LOL. but nvm. i m sure the 6 of us will get another chance to come out tgt again and chit chat and do watever we want! haha. anyway charlotte's web is really really really super duper nice! it's like soooo sweet! talking about friends and friendship. it really woke me up to treasure my friends and really appreciate every single word they say. every moment spent together. 'cause before you know it, it will come the time to part. >< it was soooo sad when the spider charlotte has no more strength to go back with the pig and the stupid fat rat. hahaha. but i dont deny i really think that afterall the rat is nice. he did his part. he helped. he contributed. that's all that is important isnt it? don't u all agree? that's all friends are about. helping each other. stretching out that very hand of yours to a friend in need. (: even it means that you are risking something else just as important. for charlotte it was her babies. her purpose in life! it was that important! and yet she still went off to the fair with the pig. how sweet isnt it? i seriously advise all great friends in the world to go catch the movie! (: or read the book! hahah. some advertisement for the show. LOL. initially i thought that the spider was really kind of foolish. 'cause the pig really did nothing much to help the spider at all. in fact there isnt anything the pig can do to help it. a pig cant weave a web. haha. oh ya! the pig did try it out with thread. but got all tangled up in it. that was really funny! oh yes! the pig is very very very very extrememly cute!! hahahaha.. so pink and piggy! lol! but when the spider was dying. what she said really left a mark in my mind. and of course! it was the very words the pig said. the way the pig accidentally made the rest of the animals view the spider in a different light. finally seeing her beauty and the intelligence! hahaha. the spider is sooooo smart! hahaha. and so hardworking. her promise made is like must must must complete. even if it means to die for it. how noble right? i really love the whole plot of the story. unlike some horror random movie cinderella. hahah. its scary but super random. the plot is like huh?! and of course disgusting. hahaha.

okay. i guess that shld be enough for the time being. 'cause my stomach is feeling weird again. lol. i think i getting diarrhea >< haish.

what a sad life

2006-12-21T02:17:00.000+08:00

actually i should post on sdd! what m i doing? hahahs. okay! sdd then!
on the whole sdd was like hectic and O.o on 6th dec. everything just came rushing in and really quite overwhelmed by it. Running up and down the hotel till I can totally memorise where are the lobby, ballroom and level 16 room buttons in the lifts. haha. first time in my life have i ever taken soo many lifts in just one day! hahah. how cool can that be? but the hotel room really rocks! (before anyone steps in) hahah. the guys room was like horribly messy in just a while. hahah it's really a wonder how they can mess it up sooo quickly. and still can stand the mess!! hahaha.

now to the serious portion. the feedbacks from the seniors are really horrible.
firstly horrible food. but whyy???? it tasted heavenly when we went for food tasting isn't it? i feel so totally cheated by the hotel
secondly sooo small portions. but whyyy again?! i was so totally full that i can totally skip dinner after the food tasting! cheaters!!
thirdly even horrible location? haha. this is kind of weird. 'cause they chose the place didnt they? :p
fourthly horrible host. hahah. well that i have to admit it's really our fault and lack in far-sightedness. he was like screaming into the mic >< the stupid sound system. he was sooo super impatient. com'on no one is rushing him or anything. wait! actually we were 'cause we were behind time for the programme.
fifth too long lucky draw slot. hahaha. oh wells. really our fault. too blinded by ms ng's advice of giving as much as possible to the seniors.
(but seriously sometimes i really think ms ng kind of caused some of the troubles we faced on sdd. but of course i dun deny she did contribute to the good points too (:)
sixth horrible entertainment. hmm.. all were school bands and not professional enough. but actually isnt it true that it's a night for the seniors? i dun see any wrong in having their own batch mates performing for themselves. but i totally regretted for insisting on the four toads band. their genre of song was totally out of our theme, out of the intended night. just totally out! i know you get what i mean ya? what's more they were drinking and smoking at backstage? how totally disgusting!! ew.
seventh weird presentation of food. haish. another ms ng's suggestion. but seriously i think cant blame her for this. 'cause i doubt she knows about it either. the hotel shld have trained the waiters and waitresses to have a good presentation of the first dish. arh! sometimes i really wonder. so what it's ritz carlton!
eighth.. the urshering problem at the start. people just kept taking photos and photos and the urshers just couldnt do anything much about it. haish. poor urshers. and lucky for smart david (as he always is) opened the barrier and get ppl to move into the reception area. but the whole place was just too packed that not everyone knows that there's a registration area to register before entering. this being one of the main reason for the last min programme and time lag.
nineth... cant rmb alr. ah well. dun rmb even better isnt it? LOL.

now to the good points. and of course there are!!
PAGEANT! yippee!! pageant was a great successs.. all thanks to the 3 pageant ICs: carene, jireh and laypeng plus our beloved canvassing IC who liase with hollywood secrets: sheena! *applause*
on top of that, i must really thank laypeng for the shine agency thing. she really did a lot of running about just to deal with the shine agency last min changes and demands. thanks a lot darling! you rocks! you really did a great great job! i think even i may not have done such a great job if given to me. (:
GOODIE BAG! yay! shocking-ly, it turned out much much much better than expected. despite all our worries that it will be very light and empty. it turned out to be full of things! and of course i won't forget our dear master red shirt jireh who put in so much effort in contacting the suppliers, plus dealing with mansoor's and my indecisiveness. THANKS A LOT!! and thankfully the luggage tags turned out really well! it looks much much nicer than what we have expected and thought it might be. hahahas. really a blessing in disguise. (: in the end, we still got the frames too! LOL. it just turned out really well.
OPENING DANCE! the kids dance totally rocks! all thanks to our dear canvassing IC isabella! yay!! it was such an attention catching dance. everyone agreed that it was wonderful. though i didnt managed to catch the wonderful performance. hahah. oh yes! the kids are sooooo cute! esp the guy!! hahha.
OSCARS!! the oscars have only been a success all thanks to dennis! he continued and chose all the prize winners alone without any help as the lucky draw prizes were simply not arranged and done up. bearing with all the weird stares and even erm. glares, he finished it! omg! dennis you are great! and totally rocks! thanks a zillion! (:

okay. not that others arent great, but just that my headache set in again. so i m kind of braindead once again. can't rmb anything already. but of course i must thank these ppl:
yonathan! with his wonderful liasing with the host and making sure everything goes according to the programme, our programme would have totally crashed and died there. thanks a lot!! oh and you look really great on 6th dec. as i did tell u on the 6th. hope you are enjoying urself back in indonesia (: (though i doubt u will see it)
nikhil! without him around to make sure everyone goes to their respective work area and carry out their tasks, sdd would definitely not be anywhere near success. despite the urshering problem which really is sth not within your control, you did a great job in manpower! (: thanks a lot!! oh and thanks for your coat too!
lubin! my dear reception girl! hahaha. you are like the one who helped me cover my duties and stuffs! thanks soooo much! without you, i would have probably died on the spot when i had to split myself to collect votes and dunno do what else. thanks a zillion! the reception turned out really well too (: great job there!
shuhua! lucky draw prizes! you really did a wonderful job in that. getting everything organised, ready and all set to go! thanks a lot! esp when u have to deal with the stupid host anyhow calling numbers and numbers and telling the seniors the wrong prize given and stuffs. horrible guy! >< you are really the material for a secretary! so organised and calm even when faced with soooo many prizes to arrange plus the last min ones. thanks a lot!! (:
darel! nice try for deco! though the dry ice portion is really such a pity! :( but its okay! actually didnt really rmb seeing you around. but considering the blur state i was in, haha. i guess its just me! thanks soo much for all the stuffs! (:
terence! good job in the video! though once again i missed it >< haish. actually i practically missed all the programme on that day. kind of sad huh? but i did hear great comments on that! wonderful job done there, esp when it's soo last minute! you and your great computer skills! rocks! hahaha. thanks! (:
actually i know there are way more things that you guys did during the whole preparation period for sdd. the list just goes on and on and never ends. with my headache now, i m bound to forget a zillion great things you have contributed. oh yes! last but not least, but in fact the most! MANSOOR! thanks a lot. without you, there wont be sdd adhoc, let alone sdd at all! you really did a great job as our head of the adhoc! (: esp with such an MIA assistant like me! >< sorry! guess thats all i can say. what else can i do.. haish.

before i end off, i shall wish isabella, sheena, shuhua all the best in retrieving their lost items. it must have been horrible for you guys. >< really sorry and helpless towards that. cant help you all much. hope that you guys didnt get much scolding from your parents (: if you all did, feel free to re-vent your anger on me! i may even feel better after that. 'cause it was also partially my fault. afterall i was just outside the backstage. if only, i went and saw and kept them nice and safe for you all! oh wells. it's all over! shant continue brooding over it!

hmm.. actually i should change my title back to sdd. after all more than half the post will be on sdd huh? lol. oh well. i guess thats okay. 'cause i shall continue on my sad life topic! hahaha.

recently just realised that actually i lead a very very sad and lonely life in jc. not 'cause of the school or its people. it just seems so. i dont know why. i seem to have not much close friends around. kinda regretted being involved in sooo many things that i just cant stay put and do my very best in one. on tues the elects' camp adhoc asking for help. i just didnt dare to volunteer my help. i dont want another incident of NSSN where i barely went for practices. it was sooo irresponsible of me! i hate that version of me! >< what's more it will be SYF next year! seriously no kidding here! precisely! but nonetheless, i promise to help out in as much ways as possible for elects' camp! i promise! even if it means that i cant be facilitator (though i really really want to) i dont mind! after all there must be someone taking that job right?
ah.. it's raining again!! >< and my dad weirdly and abnormally wakes up again!! okay. shall end here for now. for today.

sick

2006-11-02T17:08:00.000+08:00

lalala.. just wasted another day at home!! what's wrong with me ar? whole day not feeling well.. then have to cancel all the meetings and stuffs! ><
oh ya! just remembered i havent go inform my mentor yet.. so sian!
hmm.. but when shld i next go then?
Monday! CIP + window shopping. CANT
Tuesday! food tasting. CANT
Wednesday! hmm.. will there be council meeting?? i wonder. lets fix it on wed then (: haha. okok! yay! haha.. apparently very bored huh? lol.

oh yes! since it has been like erm.. how long? oh about 2 months from my last post. I shall update on wat happened the past 2 months soooo far.

last post was on promos wasnt it?
ah well.. obviously i finished promos by now. even got back my result slip.. (and if not cause of PW i will be having hols alr!!! ><)
hmm.. not up to expectations.. haish.. overall got
Physics A
Chem A
Maths A
Econ C

but all are soooo disappointing! could have gotten much better lor! >< okok. maybe i shldnt complain. cause i m pretty sure there are loads of ppl out there who have way worse encounters. lala.. oh ya! today is GP paper for A level. hahah.. i shall go ask my senior how's it! hahah..
Speaking abt GP, it's a totally horrible subject!! one that i can never NEVER ever score in.. sucks rite? >< bleh! always forever at the border of failing and passing.. or rather i did fail just that i pass right after moderation? watever! i just dont have the flair for English.. especially for what? argumentative essays.

oh wells.. lazy to type anymore.. i shall try to update at least sth twice a week! (:

long long time...

2006-09-02T02:01:00.000+08:00

long time since i last blog i realised. just so happen to have the sudden urge to blog right now. at this very moment! lol.
irritating terence just turned my mood from a hyper and high one to one that's super guilty and really low one. i guess no turning back for it. >< probably the retribution from suan-ing george and him too much today. no wait. ytd! hahah. okay! just in case you guys get lost. this is it. we were talking about the most common topic in the world wide world ever! relationships.. probably due to my insecure feeling, fear of getting hurt. i never seem to be ready for one ever. somehow i feel comfortable within my small little hermit shell (: i don't want to get hurt. I am afraid i cant take it.. seriously. but.. like what he said. i am actually in turn hurting someone else. but what can i do?? is it my fault? probably it is.. ><
now at such a time, i am still trying to think of an idea for my EoM. for all JC students u all might "haish" at the sight of this! lol. but yes! we will all have to do it. have been on this since 3 hours ago? or maybe longer? just no mood for it. simply mental block! productivity 0%. what a waste of time. Unlike me right? i am so sure.
weirdly, my mum who always makes full use of her time is not sleeping now either! apparently cant get to sleep just like me. i m probably suffering from insominia. >< this aint good at all. feeling really zombie-like now..
back to the topic. why am i hurting people? 'cause i reject them? but.. i didnt! wait.. maybe i did.. but.. but.. i really don't mean to. i didnt meant it that way. i don't want to hurt their hearts, cause them trouble or unhappiness. but why me? >< i don't want to be the bad guy!! haish. i seriously don't know and don't understand what do they see in me.. i m not pretty, not tall, not slim, not exactly demure, not special, not attractive, not desirable. I am NOTHING! NOBODY! but why? oh wells.. thats life.
apart from the common topic, my usual life is just as routine as ever! studies, council, band, science attachment, piano lessons, etc.. all the boring things. tomorrow. no wait. today would be family3! didnt have time to inform my parents about it. anyway i highly doubt they will bother to go either.. oh wells.. oh yes! my bruises from the ride.. lol. kind of stupid to think of that. hopefully all will be well and smooth-going later! (:
tomorrow. no today shall be a better day!! (:

normal? abnormal day?

2006-04-26T22:32:00.000+08:00

hmm.. today i expected it to be a normal day? without any special events. but just plain lectures, physics test and band prac. but it's way more than just that.

Firstly, suddenly at the last minute there's match support for softball at HCI?! O.o totally not prepared. oh wells.

Secondly, i got on the bus then i realised i have interview and had to stop halfway somewhere at duno wat singapore duno wat place. luckily isabella told me where to take bus if not i will probably have to take cab which will cost a bomb!! I am seriously having phobia of taxi fares!! they are like eating up my wallet. or at least keeping it very very slim. I rather it to be on my tummy than my wallet >< i seriously don't mind a fat chubby wallet. lol! like who will mind?

Thirdly, when i reached school, I still had time to go for the chem lecture but i didnt!! oh wells. 'cause it's really weird rite? esp when i dont have my bag with me? the lecturer will probably have a super bad impression on me. esp with my big blue tag on! oh ya! sorry kenli!! (tho i doubt she will see it) i troubled her sooo much and i bet i irritated her with my smses. After that, having nothing much to do, I went to take lunch to kill time. (one reason why i m getting fatter - i eat for leisure?!) watever! met yongfeng and he sort of joined me upon seeing that i am alone. nice of him to have done that (: thanks!

Last of all, i think, my interview was as expected not very easy. but.. is Student Council really that horrible? it's not that busy as everyone thinks! hais. oh wells.. as expected again. anw i will try my best to cooperate with the exco ppl still (: similarly for piano. that's if i continue staying in piano? hmm.. i might? oh yes! very imptly, i must thank george for all his effort! thanks a lot!! i can tell that u really fought hard for me. but sorry to disappoint you ): btw do take a good rest! you don't really look that well today. yep!

oh yes! thats not the last. during band prac, after the break, i was constantly staring at my phone for jireh to sms me when they are abt to celebrate yonathan's b'dae. and what happened? he forgot! okayyy.. nice. i specially rushed downstairs to buy the cake. go through sooo much trouble bringing the cake to school through my 1 hr plus journey. beg the uncle to keep the cake for us. got teachers to keep the cakes for us. and in the end i didnt even join in the celebration. okayy.. oh wells. but i don't blame jireh. he's stressed too. just my luck i guess.

okay. enough of not so good stuffs. today's physics test. i thought was qte bad. but it turned out that i have qte a few similar answers to wang ming and huang rui! it equals to high chances of passing (: okay. thats the only good thing i can think of about today. but.. at the maths lecture today. when i was walking down the stairs i scratched my leg with the LT chairs. HURTS!! >< even till now! this sucks!
oh wells. just a more screwed than good day today. hopefully everything will turn out better tomorrow! (:

feeling the stress

2006-04-16T19:51:00.000+08:00

as seen on the title, I am feeling the stress of a few CCAs and my studies. Actually I am starting to feel the effect of me not able to handle everything already. Is it 'cause I should not have chosen to go to ReCo? maybe I seriously should not have if i want to stay in my other ccas. e.g. band.
Last week i just had a physics test. in the midst of the start of taking over of match supports and sports day. in the midst of my 3 am marathon. and as expected i did super duper badly. I probably did the worst in my class. and of course in my whole life i guess. never seen any results of mine worse than that. maybe i was just putting up a strong front. i didnt break down. i didnt cry. i didnt complain. all i simply did was to continue writing christa's testimonial for her exco form. i guess i was simply deceiving myself when i keep saying it's expected. 'cause i did had a last minute revision during the break. i could have not done so badly right? At least not all the careless mistakes? when the others ask me how i did, i simply told them the truth, expressionless and un-bothered about it. but recalling back, i was feeling really terrible deep inside. it was as if i failed myself. i have done the worst thing ever in my whole life. i m the worst person ever in the whole universe. It was that kind of feeling.
When i reached home, really late after sports day and class outing, I didn't tell my mum about it. I don't want her to worry. I know she wont scold me on that. but.. I need someone to talk to. just like what happened when i first failed a test in my whole life. At least i have my mum around to cry to about. now that she's all worried about my sister's PSLE, I don't want to add on to her burden, especially when i don't have to. All i can do now is to bury this deep down and use it as my motivation to work hard. strive hard for my next test and do well. Never to fail another test as long as i can help it. but i am feeling really tired about all these. I am afraid i lack the stamina to continue. I simply feel like giving up.

no! NO! i can't! and I shan't! no matter how tough it is going to be, I will survive through the 2 years! JIA YOU PEIZHEN! YOU CAN DO IT!!

where's the S46 spirit?

2006-04-05T00:03:00.000+08:00

first of all, something out of the topic. but oh wells. i realised i can no longer study at home. especially when i reach home so late. totally no mood to study at all? suddenly i m sort of glad that there are sooo many long breaks for me to study and really catch up with my tutorials and lectures. if not, i don't know what will become of me. Another discovery! my main source of stress is actually studies and academic! and of course the stress is self imposed. my parents are really lenient to me to think of that. I m the one pushing myself to finish this and that etc. hmm.. glad that i push myself hard enough. (:

back to topic! WHERE IS MY CLASS SPIRIT?? where has that enthu class S46 gone to? I really miss my 1st 3 months S46. It's so much more united and enthusiatic. is it 'cause of the studies that everyone becomes more serious and no longer in for the fun? i doubt so... where's the problem? what went wrong? but reflecting on myself, I have been less enthu too. getting really tired about everything. probably 'cause of the travelling? I really hope i can take it.. i hope..

other than that, everyone seems to be so separated into small groups? this is really bad! can someone please please salvage the situation? i don't want to follow the snr's class footsteps.. please... I really lack the strength and will to do this all alone. I feel really helpless now. honestly speaking, i miss the days when james was still CT rep. at least he's more enthu and takes in all the real fun ideas readily! not that i m saying clement is lousy. but just that he lacks the enthusiasm i guess. and partially 'cause i m losing my momentum in being enthu. losing that drive in me. thinking back.. james was afterall a not bad CT rep. to think we were actually complaining about him. humans beings are always like that. we see only the flaws of others but not their good points. It's only when it's gone that we learn to treasure it. As for my class problem, I really don't know what to do. how to help and change the current situation. someone, anyone please help me..

to end off, i shall say a bit of out of topic stuffs again. i wonder how's the investiture going along.. fine? maybe i should go see the website. but i think we (as in those not in ad hoc) are just slacking around. i hope the ad hoc ppl are not slogging away. If need help, I don't mind helping in any ways i can (: but then again. I doubt they would see this post. LOL! as for cheerleading.. It's kind of lack of time!! and we are just about half of it only? hmm.. it's really un-prepared. LOL! hopefully all will just turn out fine! (: i seriously hope so! oh ya!! last thing of the post! tomorrow or rather today sc mtg choosing comm!! haha. I want to be in exco! i wonder if i can though.. hopefully (: good luck to TJ SC nominee for your speeches! (:

another "typical" quarrel?

2006-04-02T22:37:00.000+08:00

i just had a quarrel with my dad again. it's AGAIN. why do i always seem to have clashes with him? but i must admit i really hate quarrels with anyone. it seriously sucks. 'cause in the end i always seem to be the one at the losing end. feeling all the negative after effects of the quarrel. just like now. distracted from my work.on the verge of tears. thinking about.. i don't even know what i'm thinking actually. probably just feel like venting it out. maybe that's what you mean by stress? but why only towards my dad? not my mum? my sister? this is definitely not the typical stress then. sometimes i really hate myself for being so unreasonable and impatient. recalling back what happened just a few minutes ago i was at fault too. >< BUT he's really talking in circles with no meaning and solid content in his words. argh!! now i m so distracted from everything. i can't concentrate on my work. but i have set my deadline to finish this TODAY! where's the help and support from my family? oh gosh! i m feeling really helpless now! >< someone help me out of this! i realise i am still far from emotional resilient .. far from that..

music fest!! (:

2006-04-01T00:23:00.000+08:00

rocks!! hahas. all the finalists are really of a certain standard. nice performance put up by all of you guys! (: oh ya!! CONGRATS KYNA! :D your group dance is really cool (: ahha.. totally love it!
sadly i missed the solo vocalist first 2 contestants. hmm. cos of the duty. why did the GOH come SOOO LATE?! time is sooo precious! okok. it's all over now. music fest is really SOOO COOL!! C-O-O-L! hahha.
all the fun aside, my duty is really slack. nothing much actually. haha. during intermission, i just freeze my hands by carrying around those freezing cold cans of coke. oh yes! to the topic of coke, I M SO GONNA HATE COKE!! we practically spent an hour or so just cleaning of all coke spills everywhere. luckily its just around the PT there. not inside. if not i think we would probably have to stay over just to clean everything up. irritating clement! I M NOT LEARNING TO DO CHORES! :p if i don't clean up, who will? i think the worst are still those who spill the coke and did not even bother to take tissue to at least wipe it away. i heard from jumaiyah that there's a group of ppl who actually stepped on 3 cans of coke FOR FUN! and walked off without even bothering to clean it up. what's their problem mans? >< don't they understand how precious food and drinks are? don't they understand it's not fun and enjoying to clean up the mess others made? oh wells. we just did it anyway. but with everyone around supporting, the task is quickly done and settled (: TEAMWORK ROCKKS!!
YES! important issue!! i found another person with the same birthday as ME!! wheee.. (: this rocks man! hahah. thats jumaiyah! TAURUS TAURUS ALL THE WAY! ahhaha.. i think other than the stubborn part of taurus, taurus totally rockks! oops. thats a little ego. but i seriously think jumaiyah rockks! (: haha. go girl! oh yes! even though i know you most probably won't see this post. but please take care! especially your leg muscle ache ya?! don't overexert yourself! (: oh yes! very importantly SMILE!:D to all fellow elects, you guys totally rockks. and do rest well and enjoy the weekends! hahaha..
(got the feeling that i m talking to myself -.-")
LOL. enough of crapping i guess. but the fun i have in just a day is not just plainly this post. in fact i doubt it can even be written out in complete. today or rather yesterday totally ROCKKS!

things getting on my way

2006-03-27T23:05:00.000+08:00

somehow the feeling of 1st 3 months has disappeared. vanished into thin air. where is it? i want it back badly! i could even sense the extreme changed within myself. what's going on? i really want to know.. but i don't.

continuing on my loss of wallet.
on sun went around yishun, sembawang to get replacement of cards and etc. all the trouble. PLUS naggin n naggin from my dad as usual. but somehow though everything turned out to be as expected (their reactions) i felt really guilty. somehow or another i rather they scolded me. punished me. rather than the emotion and psychological torment i have to go through due to my guilty conscience. ><
hmm. didnt manage to get any wallet though. i have to make do with whatever i can find at home. which totally sucks >< well. actually maybe not that bad to think of that. BUT still i want a proper wallet please..

things seem to be getting in my way and against me nowadays. today ms ng suddenly pointed out that my skirt is too short. i have never been pointed out due to my uniform in my whole study life. this is the first time! first ever. i was partially shocked and in a daze (actually to think of that, i have been in a daze for the whole day.) all i replied was orh. okay. hm. but compared to some of my other classmates' skirts mine is okay! but somehow she didnt pick on them. why me? ><

today kenli was saying that i look really sad and stone today. really? i wonder why. maybe my real emotions are all showed on my appearance. actually recalling back, i can feel a difference in my attitude and behaviour too. maybe just 'cause i started the day wrongly. stoning on the bus -.-"
just got another comment. i look really worn-out? since i got into SC. i do feel tired. but i seriously doubt that's due to SC. it's due to.. well. this is quite obvious. the travelling distance everyday! i think i m getting really tired of it. BUT it's just march 06 NOW! i have to continue this lifestyle till dec 07! thats almost 1 and 3/4 year. okay. i shan't continue on this and make myself feel miserable.

aim of the week: to stay motivated, enthusiatic, and optimistic! (:

band off to hawaii

2006-03-24T23:21:00.000+08:00

it's a normal school day. a normal friday. as usual, i thank god its friday (: but there's sth missing. sth lost. sth abnormal. where's christa?? where's the band ppl?!! oh! the hawaii trip. or rather competition. argh! they are just missing the day's lesson so that they will not be so tired. BUT i m missing them already! oh no! how m i going to take this for a week?
-i never knew how much i love the band and the ppl till today-
the long breaks today seemed longer than usual. where's christa? i m simply distracted. where's the mad girl who laughs with me for practically anything or in fact nothing? i may sound lesbian here. but this is seriously wat i feel! i miss you loads christa!!
-i wonder where are they now? sleepin on the plane? playing cards? i miss them-
as expected, after sc meeting, i went with val to changi. darel and his brillant idea to go over to the other side to take 31. wasted our 20 mins there waiting. oh wells. when we reached there, they were all there waiting and simply talking and etc. we passed zhi yuan the bottle of stars. i seriously hope the small effort we put in foldin those stars can help the band (: though it's really pathetic, thats so much we can do in such a limited time and manpower. you guys must try your best k? i will always be supporting you guys!! go all the way!
-how nice it will be if i m there with them!! ><-
all the emotional stuffs really got into me. i am really missing them so much! cried a little on the journey home. thanks so much to those who tried consoling me. i appreciate it a lot. but.. it didnt work. anyway its the thought that counts. thanks.
my dear christa, christie!! i m missing you guys soo much already! aHH!!
flautists!! oh no.. i m getting back the crying feeling again. ><

adding on to my misery of missing them so much. i lost my wallet! with my ic and ez link! >< i don't know how to start telling my parents. if my dad were to know, i think he would probably scream his head off. to think of it, my key is inside too! this sucks!! whats so wrong today? everything seems screwed and wrong! we (me, mich, christie, christa, their parents) went round the airport to do the necessary stuffs. ie report to police, lost n found,etc. i felt really guilty for having them to waste their last break before getting on the flight just waiting for me!>< i m screwing things up. what a failure i am! it's all my fault. i lost all my appetite. but forced some biscuits into my stomach when i reached home.

What a day today! i really miss the band! I am so going to go band room every morning! argh! but there's all the morning duties and meeting for sc in the morning!! WHY MUST IT BE LIKE THAT?! why's life always filled with depression and sadness? to show the contrast to happiness? i don't see a need for that!

elects' camp!! post camp blues..

2006-03-19T00:50:00.000+08:00

whee! elects camp wasn't tt scary as most of us thought to be actually. at least to me (: in fact i really enjoyed myself a lot! now all the post camp blues are filling me up. I realli love and miss all you guys man!! elects 06 YOU GUYS ROCKKS!! 22nds you guys are totally great!!
w/o all of you, i seriously doubt i will be able to survive through the whole camp.. and wats more have sooooo much fun!! (:

In the short 3 days, I felt as if weeks have passed. The egg given to all of us was like a constant reminder to us to be alert at all times. 'cause even the slightest mistake can be pointed out by anyone and used as a "weapon" to shoot us down. With each broken egg, we were given 3 more eggs. To all of us who never experienced this before, the egg was really a great burden. but i must say i felt really guilty when i accidentally allowed lay peng's egg to slip off my hand. >< i m SORRY! the sight of the broken egg filled me with guilt >< next when i was carrying the mattress back to the storage room, i accidentally used too much energy and cracked the egg slightly. I even had to use my shorts to clean the mattress of the egg yolk. though it was quite disgusting to think of it. It wasnt that bad. BUT when nikhil hit my hand when he was running past, I dropped the egg!! >< a total of 2 eggs lost!! hais.. that shows how much of responsibility i have! i seriously shld reflect on that.

i miss everything in the camp. POST CAMP BLUES AGAIN! from the scoldings. to the fun. to the bitching (though not realli lol!) to the ppl. to the un-based scandals. etc. even the tough times of punishment. when my knees and palms hurt till the extent i almost couldnt take it. but the supportive words from each and everyone's mouth really pushed us on. I never knew simple words like "perserve guys!", "We can do it! come on!" can actually make such a great difference. I must really say I have learnt a lot from everyone. clara esp (: she's forever so supportive and encouraging. even though she herself was on the verge to collapse, she always make the extra effort to encourage all of us. clara u rockks! now recalling back. all the lessons the snrs have taught us are really useful. it applies everywhere. communication, team spirit, unity, etc. w/o all these, it is impossible to survive well in this world. in short, I really really MISS ALL OF YOU!!

my dear facilitators too!! enqing and yi yun (: w/o your help and support, esp during the hike, i doubt we could have last all these thru. the sessions just before bedtime with u guys really cheered and lightened the mood. esp after the scoldings from the dis-co. I LOVE YOU GUYS!!

feeling realli emotional now.. feel like crying it out. but somehow tears don't seem to come out.. oh wells.

there's so much so much we went thru tgt in the short 3 days camp. it has been as if a week or even a month has passed by. i realli appreciate all the snrs hard work. esp those who had to scold us soo much. it realli sucks to scold ppl soo much. esp to ur jnrs. It might even cause u guys to sacrifice gd relations with us. but be assured i not only will not bear grudges on you all, in fact i admire you all and am really touched for everything you have done for us. (:

enough of emotional talk.
after the 3 tiring days of elects camp, i went home to take a bath. and i realised sth!! taking a hot bath can relieve one of tiredness!!
after the hot bath, rushed back to vj for my 2nd camp : piano ensemble camp (:

though i think qte a number of ppl had left the camp, i still made qte a number of frens. and i realised a small cca can be realli fun too (: the snrs are realli lenient compared to sc though.

during dinner, i was having a small chat with terence. heard abt his bad encounter just that afternoon with some victorians.. we realised how valuable the lessons the snrs have taught us all.. both of us really miss the camp loads!! all the ppl!! simply everything >< i m seriously having post camp blues..

Elects camp has been so far the only camp i ever had post camp blues. usually after a camp i would feel so exhausted to feel anything of that sort. but despite my exhaustion, i felt a sense of loss. as if sth was missing. all the sort u feel when u are missing something a lot. thats exactly how i feel.

after that on thurs morning, left early (which i realli hoped i didnt have to ><)
for band urban hike!! its realli fun!! hahaha.. the skit.. lol!
every grp (almost) imitated timothy! lol!! he's sooooo cute!! HAHAHAHA!
his "wat sia" even became part of his group cheer. cool sia! LOL

urban hike was nothing physical compared to elects camp hike. haha.. but it was realli fun too (: hmm.. well.. the finance part was a little tricky tho. >< i bet after all the clearing and spliting of money, all our pockets have a huge hole! >< oh wells.. so much of bribery.. haha.

oh! one disgusting task.. the condom one >< GROSS!! its the 1st time i ever seen or touched one. it was like eewww!! my gosh la >< i will never want a 2nd encounter with that again ><

one thing great! i got to know more ppl in the band!! haha.. isnt that great? it has been realli hard for me to bond with the band ppl and know them.. hmm.. hopefully i can make it for JTS and that will be another terrific chance for me to bond (: i realised i m simply addicted to making frens!! haha..

FRIENDS ROCKKS!!

relationships

2006-03-19T00:43:00.000+08:00

are they that important?
sometimes when all alone, bored with nothing much to do..
when the mind wanders..
its the only time i yearn for one. is it just due to pure selfishness for someone to fill up my lonely times only??

studies. young age. ignorance. etc. all these so called "sensible" reasons.. are they really my reasons to all these?
or is it just pure selfishness? to protect myself from harm. afraid to get hurt in the process. lack of courage to step out of my comfort zone of friends.

Reflections.. are all these real or not? do they always end up with heartaches and "bruises"? i really wonder..

O2

2006-03-06T01:34:00.000+08:00

yay! O2 tml!! first baby for 2006 SC elects! go ad hoc! i will support you guys in the best way i can..
but erm. why assemble soo early??
you know i have to take the 5.28am train (which is like the 1st train)
this sucks man! ><
anyway so late alr!! haha. i havent sleep. i must be mad alr.
i think so too..

now recalling what my OGL said..
no one who enters VJ comes out of it sane.. hahah!! thats SO TRUE!! LOL.

hmm.. my fingers and hands are so tired and lazy alr.. shall end off here (:

oh ya! last thing to add! good luck for all appeals!! (:

refresh blog (:

2006-02-26T16:44:00.000+08:00

hmm... quite a while since my last entry. so i shall write sth now (:
actually ytd stone in front of this similar page for sooo long but duno what to write. okok..
but now when i m in a rush, i got a sudden urge to write sth here!! hahah. but sth not exactly that impt. LOL
anyway for information, the posting results will be out on 3rd march!! which is this coming friday! hopefully all those ppl who wants to stay in vj can stay (:
but i guess it's not that possible?? *shrugs*
oh well.. anyway i got through and became an elect (: yay! haha.. i wonder what more will be coming.. oh yes! all the best to the ad hoc for O2! you guys must make O2 rock k? haha.. i will definitely help in watever ways i can! (:
oops. seriously got to make a move. if not i will be late ><

new year eve?

2006-01-28T16:21:00.000+08:00

hmm... its chinese new year eve today!! (:
eh. but actually i dun feel excited? not the slightest feeling for a new year?
hm... is this wat always happen as ppl grow up?
then.. i rather not grow up! new year has all along been one of the greatest festival every year in my life.. but.. it seems that it has changed since last year..
i only thought that last year was due to O levels... but this year?
probably i m just bluffing myself last year?
what to do?? i want the excitement for new year back!! ):
nvms..

okay. since i haven blogged for soooo long. i shall just talk a bit more abt my current life?
okay. now its the 1st 3 months for jc.. got into vj! (: that i have totally no regrets ((: in fact i m realli glad. (except the part that i have to sleep 4 hrs per day?)
vj is realli fun fun FUN!! esp the orientation!! and... my class!! 06S46 ROCKS! (:
i have to admit i think i changed quite a bit after entering vj (: but i m sure its for the better! haha.
as for cca the whole school is like filled with nice ppl (: no matter what cca its fun!! haha. at least those that i tried on (:
but sadly i cant go to hawaii i tink.. dun want to stress my parents on it anymore..
i shall try to go for the GLC!! haha. it seeems realli fun! but its kind of near mid years? hais... why must life be full of "opportunities costs"??? ahha... so economics ah!! haha..

oops..

2005-11-11T20:55:00.000+08:00

hmm.. in the midst of Os now ><
haha. a bit sick of studying n studying n studying... SINCE PRELIMS!!
anw one week more to freedom!
free from studying! :D
must jia you for all those taking Os!! :)

although its realli weird this year's paper...
cos usually the prelims is harder.. but its not this time ><
nvm! i shall work hard then ;)

hais... back to studying...

one day after

2005-05-06T00:48:00.000+08:00

okay. its not realli one day after.
its abt 50 mins ltaer

bdae just gone like that
a bit anti. :(
but still rather happie :)

presents not realli a lot.
i understand la. not free what. Os year ><
haha.
anw thanks to all who at least rmb and special thanks to those who gave me a gift!
i luv yall!

feeling a little sick and drowsy now.
weather hasnt been good nowadays.
think i falling ill? hope not. hahas
anw a piece of advice to all: drink more water and take care!

nothing much

2005-04-28T22:30:00.000+08:00

bored? hahas.
at least i m now....

next week no tests :D
hais. it seems my life now is merely for doing tests, studying tests and nothing else. hahas. what a routine and boring and lifeless life! ><

birthday coming!!
5 may! :D
wishes:
*get a new phone (getting soon actually. hopefully will be one i luv!! )
*get a bag (not backpack tho)
*flute pieces. real nice ones please :)
*new penicl box (mine is getting realli dirty. ghahahas)
erms.
erms.
good grades! hahahs. thats quite duh everyone wants :)
well liked by people :)
do well in napfa (its fwd to 3 may!!! no more 6 may!! hahahs)
new rubber bands
new shoes! (this has been quite a while. just cant find the rite one.)
erms. and many more actually. but currently cant rmb.

syf.

2005-04-16T01:30:00.000+08:00

syf week for sec bands!!

chij st nicholas girls' band marked the end of the section.
a silver band for 12 years. it seems like there is an unbreakable chain of silver ><

BUT we did it people!!!!!
we broke the curse
we broke the chain!!!!

we ROCK! with ms sia!
ms sia brought it to us. i luv ya!!!! :D:D:D:D

hyper hyper hyper.
we got
gold!!!!!

hmm..

2005-03-20T23:08:00.000+08:00

realised i haven updated for a looooonnnnngggg time?! hahas..
okay so i update here now

actually wanted to update on last fri the day of my t1 results.
did better than i expected actually.
L1R5 = 7 (compared to 11 in end of sec3) good!

but that day was the worst day of alllllllll.....
hais...
forgotten already what realli happened..
but a lot of things happened...

anw enuff of term1
a few minutes later shall mark the start of term 2!!!!
SMILES FOR THE NEW TERM!!

*had a bruise on my lips. (seen by some)
but recovered already :)
actually i din bang on the door. the bruise was not caused by me!

lalala

2005-01-19T08:29:00.000+08:00

bored in eng lesson too mich!!
hahaha.. blogs as topic rite??
hey hey!! those out there..
if u all noe anything
e.g. blogs are showcases of creativity!
waste of time?
or show ur real side??
tag me!! :D
thanks loads.. hahaha.

sorry that i so long din blog.. no time la.
must study study..
Os!!
hahahah.

*teacher coming*
hehe.

hahah

2004-12-23T09:33:00.000+08:00

bored bored!!
slow like duno what..
haha. thats all!

results!!

2004-10-15T23:54:00.000+08:00

well well as usual..
RESULTS ARE OUT!!!
after all the mugging and sufferings..
firstly.. can SLACK ALR!! :D
*cheers* YIPEE!!! :D

but but.. its time to face up to reality :p
results.
today i got baq A maths, English (SUCK!!), chem, physics.
hmm.. i tink i still not used to writing my marks la..
soo.. just the grade? it will look nicer too ;) hahahahaha
**some self-comfort here la. :p

A maths: A1
English: B4
Chem: A1
Physics: A2

anw a note
ALWAYS CHECK FOR CARELESS MISTAKES AFTER THE PAPER!!!
careless mistakes are killers!! :p
e.g. 2 X 2 = 6!! wow!! i have talent in calculation!! ;)
2sq = 2!! wow!! super duper talented!! ;p

soo.. moral of the story.. DUN MAKE CARELESS MISTAKES!!!
or else u will just feel like murdering urself!! ><

backkk

2004-10-14T22:59:00.000+08:00

back to claim my blog!!! hahahaha.
so. no longer abandoned ya?! :D
*cheers*
anw firstly i wanna thank joyce and oddball!!
*huggles*
thanks for tagging. :)
but dun "flame" with my taggie?!
hmm.. i do agree all are entitled to their thots ya?? :)

but i have to say. i like maia :) well.. tatoos are just exterior stuffs ya?! she does sing well and this is a fact wat ;) okayy.. well for dap. hmm. i dun wanna say too much la. but i dun realli like her tho :p soorry if i offended anyone ya?! just like i say everyone is entitled to their own opinions :)

anw :0 missed singapore idol todae ><
all cos of the damn tv.. wat stupid rainbow of colors.. see till i wanna puke blood :o
*hopes that tv get repaired soon :)

anw i heard that my mom gonna get a new one!!! :D YAY!!
*cheers*
hope that will be fast!! before sunday!! :D

anw boring boring dinners with my relatives again!!
dis sunday.. hais~ den all my cousins are like so young only?! or else is like so with their sisters la.. den i?! stick with my dodo sister lor :p hahah.. if can go out to sea then best!! :D but well-- it nv happened with my dad around.. he will most prob say wat dangerous la. no time la. blah blah. :p so unadventurous one!

getting back results tml!
sucks!!
we-ell gonna update my results tho :)

nothing

2004-09-04T23:16:00.000+08:00

end of years coming...
time to say bye bye to my blog for a little while...
after todae, it will be study study study for me..
till at least after eoys.
den will still study but of cos can blog a little alr :)

so i announced and shall ban myself from blogging!!!

abandoned!!

lalalala...

2004-08-29T16:33:00.000+08:00

wanted to blog ytd.
but fell asleep even before i realised. :p
hahaha. haven started studying for eoy yet!! arh..
todae is irritating sunday again!! *hates sunday!!
u see sth?? sunday = slack day ><
i just can't not slack todae. u noe wat more than half the day gone and i haven even done a proper work todae yet!!
blah.
hmm.. gona plan my rest of the day alr.
*finish up hist essay (due tues)
*call up amy for ss proj (due mon)
*finish bio qn (shld be easy la. only one :D)
*finish phy ws 25. (oh no! its qte hard leh. have abt half more of the set to go!!)
*look thru summary (if i have time. hahaha. cos sort of done alr la)
*chem ws done!!! hehx.
*study chem test!!! impt!!! (on mon)
*finish up maths qn. (blah. duno how to do)

hmm.. tink no more :D hopefully i din miss out. hahahaha.

to jinting:
heyys!!! i tagged alr :D din noe u had a blog b4!! hahhahaha. how are u doing? i suppose fine ;) hahaha. great to hear from you after soooo long. hehx.

2004-08-26T23:09:00.000+08:00

just posted on flutes blog :)
assessment coming!!! hahahahahahaha..
rubrics not out yet!!! >< *so slow*
hahaa. shan't crap so much..
do do do do do rubrics now ;) hahaha

anw SINGAPORE IDOL ROX!!!
and oli got in!! hahahhaa. go all the way :D

*looks fwd to nxt week :))

2004-08-23T22:48:00.001+08:00

hais~ very bored and sick now
*made braces todae.
wasn't that pain as expected. but definitely much longer than expected.. almost fell asleep at the dental clinic.
now feel very super weird.
extra thing in my mouth?? ha??
*shld be studying now.. hmm.. mabbe i go bathe alr den start on chi :D
feel so guai1 todae ;) did my hw and study. hehx.
*but EOY is COMING
its t4 w3.. thats so soon!!! :(
shall start mugging alr..

*plan to study:
+ Chinese (read thru the tested chpts for thur's test)
+ Social studies (read thru chpt 6)

YES! i can do it!! hahhahaha.. encouragement to myself! ;)

2004-08-22T23:41:00.000+08:00

nothing much.
just that piano exam is eh. todae?? ha??
gona sleep alr.
nitey!!

crap

2004-08-21T23:38:00.000+08:00

hais~
crappy day todae..
everything was so screwed :p
flute exam.. cancelled?? well. not realli. but.. forget it! i shant say again..remind me of all the stupid stuffs :p
crap crap crap crap :|
piano exam on mon.. thats so soon??
so unprepared and stuffs. :p
my scales (esp contri motion.. hais.. can die la)
my aural.. all along that bad :p
pieces.. so-so??
hais.. how crappy can todae be??
hmm.. 1 min to 12mn now..
haven done my hw as planned??!!! oh noooo!!! i must finish the bio and chem ws before i sleep!! ><
12mn!!! cinderella time!!!
argh! my mom scolding my sis for watching tv again. anw is cos her exams on mon and she's not at all prepared and worried??!! o.O
if its me i will just be mugging all the way.
anw gonna start studying for EOY asap. :D hopefully i can ;)

crap la!!
wanted to play game with ying xian. things just kp cropping up ><
stupid opera. can't open windows outside :p
wasted my so much time?! in the end can't play alr. cos her mum is out..
hais.. crappy!!!

-yawns-
gona sleep alr.
tata!

GO

2004-08-20T22:33:00.000+08:00

hehx.. you must be thinking go wat :p
go to flutes blog!!!!
it rox!! with credit to linx. she created the blog with me. but i din realli did anything :p *guilty*
hahahaha. okay enuff of crap.
the link is under my links :)
http://flutes-.blogspot.com
to everyone: must go and tag!!! nice template there too :D
simple and nice one ;) guaranteed.. hahahaha

.to linx.
hmm.. nvm la.. i wasn't that good either :p was a little fed up with the stupid scorching sunlight shining on me la.. hmm.. anw great job for the blog :D but i tink haven tell all the people yet rite??!! hahahaa.. shld make an effort to inform all of them.. :D

*missed flute lesson today
simply too tired and felt very dizzy after a little nap when i reach home.. mabbe realli falling ill :p the raining season dis yr is so early dun u realise??!! hmm.. sth is wrong!! climatic change?? global warming? hahaha.. just like the movie "the day after tml" isn't it? but its realli true isn't it?? i tink one of the days this drastic climatic change will take place!! disaster!! oh no!!! hahaha.. but no joke isn't it?? wonder what can i do to help den?
*helpless
lolx. from me being sick to geog stuffs? ha?
back back.. missed my lesson cos felt realli dizzy.. the raining also made me feel very sleepy and super duper tired. after days of sleeping super late and stuffs :x din dare to tell my parents. cos i bet they will kill me :p

ok. enuff of todae. sth in future.. hmm.. not realli future la. cos its real soon!!! hahaha.
*mon 23 aug 04
*piano grade 5 exam prac
hmm.. i noe grade 5 isn't like so hard or stuffs la.. nothing compared to grade 8.. but there comes the stress to do well?? hahah.. but my scales and aural.. hais.. like shit still?? very scared will fail that.. if i do my teacher will kill me :x
*hahaha. how many lives do i have?? being killed so many times by so many people?? hahaha.

another on going thing.
tink this loads of people noe alr... i putting braces?? hmm.. actually din realli wanted so many people to noe la.
*scared that i can't play flute after putting :|
my flute exam in sept hol week.. putting on 23 aug (again!! same as piano exam :p).
hope hope hopefully.. i can play. or else i will just die for syf?? :(
*another time of dying :p

oops.. now is the lunar 7th month alr.. shh.. can't say that word..

boring--sicko sunday

2004-08-15T23:14:00.000+08:00

hmm.. tink i reply to my tags first la
to lain:
yep! i will take that!! i wun neglect my juniors.. i noe the very horrible feeling of being neglected and had to go thru so much just to noe how to play.. >< but i was much more luckier than them.. i was in mep. or rather am. and had a flute teacher.. weilin n xinhui with me too :) but if they were to go thru the same thing i tink it will be harder on them. i wun neglect and throw them aside just cos they dun have good tone. in fact i will try my best to help them get better tone.. or in fact better flutes? if its even possible.. hahas.. only that they even do cooperate with me >< and not talk so much but prac more!! i understand that prac too much and too long is very tiring. i went thru that too!! i went home with a neck ache every band prac when i was in sec 1 n 2.. thats how it is.. the hard way. but after it, you will be good and get better :) and everything will be sweet n nice :D
think still other things that i wanna tell you.. hmm.. mabbe shall go sign ur gbk later. :)
to maryanne:
hmm.. i was half awake thru out the whole thing la.. so in the end after the fairy performance and the monkey king ones.. i n cinli left la. i tink we left out the one to go back stage and see and to the museum thingy i tink.. duno wats that too la.. but i din feel like staying. cinli have tuition too. we left abt 5 plus la.. so late >< hahs. den we walked realli super duper slow to the mrt.. lucky it wasn't that far la.. hahas. aiyo!! you argh.. whole day dun sleep.. den go do so much stuffs.. you shld realli take a rest ya?? best is stay at home during the mentioned time in the mc la.. if not you can come on tues lor.. rest more at home wat!! you are sick lor.. if you dun rest later get more sick den how?? the band still nids you!! much more other stuffs are waiting for you to finish. you nid to recover yourself back to good health before you can do all these things better :) forcing yourself when you are still ill.. will only make things worse.. doubt you will see this before skool tml.. but realli hope that you will go home and rest more la.. dun worry too much too xiao mei!! hahas.. must really take care k?? hahas.. actually i have been feeling qte sick too.. with a little flu at times and a little cough at times.. sore throat too.. feeling real cold now too >< hopefully i m not sick.. dun plan to go to doctor either :p hahas..
-yawns-
qte tired now alr.. actually i came online not to update my blog la.. but actually to just check the answers of my physics mid yr. but epebble is down >< just when i wanna get in :p haven study my mep test yet >< oh ya!! and that stupid pop song too!! argh!! i have so much things to do.. stupid!! why did i just can't do it in the day just now??!! if i had, i m sure i at least have done one of them!! which is a lot a lot to me!! >< i hate sundays!!! i m just too slack on sundays >< argh!!

what ta say?

2004-08-14T18:13:00.000+08:00

hmm.. todae had piano during band prac time :X
*guilty for it*
but i had to make it like that cos nid to go for the street opera thingy :p
when i went.. mr ong looked real pissed off by the band todae >_<
you noe what he said?!!
"take out your eagle bend.. may be we can use it instead.."
O.O utterly shocked!!!
i can see from his face the super duper disappointed look lor. :'(
*are we gonna get thru this coming syf??? are we??? can we survive thru this time??*
thinking of all these i realli feel like crying.. :'(
our attitude is realli very bad.. we nid to improve on it!! but.. can we?
our playing just sux.. i can't stand it!!! my juniors tho can read notes but.. tone?? i sumtimes get so fed up that i even think that they dun even care abt tone at all.. or dun even have such a word in their dictionary?!! >_<
i dun want the band to disband!!! i m sure all you band members out there dun want it that way either!!! so buck up!! everyone plays a part..

todae after band shue n syarah had like a small scolding session.. den punished the pple who came late after break.. i m guilty again. came late ><
wonder if shue is okay alr or not.. she was like almost.. on the verge to cry.. hopefully she wun break down :)
we must be strong together!!!
realli hope that todae's prac knocked some sense into those pple who are guilty..
hope for a better turn out on tues.. will i??
*today is a day.
A new day filled yet with old stuffs
old stuffs that we already known more than just well
good for the starting point
but definitely bad for the end
running on the spot;
the exercise i hate most
yet the exercise that i constantly see in others, in me

so.. whats up with me? hate it yet still doing it? stupid, no sense me!!!

*prays*
*hopes*

lazy.

2004-08-10T22:36:00.000+08:00

hmm.. feel very tired after the outing
but had to rush for dental :p
-tired-
-lazy-
the outing simply rox!!! its super fun :D
lazy to go into details cos i did in my other blog. yep :)
but missed out qte a lot.. tink u can go those pple who went 's blogs and see
e.g. shue, linx, lirong, jael.. etc la.. even lazy to name alr.
*yawns*
mabbe i post the next time lor..

hehx

2004-08-07T01:18:00.000+08:00

hehx. supposed to go sleep alr. but i just rmb i forgot sth..
its 7 AUG alr!!! wat wat? i bet u pple will be asking.
wells. its steffiana's b'dae.. hahas. well i noe not everyone noe her la.. but i do! ;) so..
a big big big big big big big big big big

H
A P
P Y -
B I R T
H D A Y -
T O - Y O U
!!!!

hahas. pple have christmas tree i have a birthday tree for you ;)
(hmm. not even sure if she will see it :p hopefully.. hahas)

back back

2004-08-07T01:16:00.000+08:00

wells. i doubt i m that angry as the prev entry now..
only a bit of tiredness now.. *yawns*
today.. nono. i mean ytd. skool was only half day.. but it was like a sat to me.
haha.. the half day on sat for cca. just like that.
it was just plain and boring lax.
had a practice for aural for flute exam.
duno what shit got in me.. i tink i din even listen properly. i got the simplest stuffs wrong -.-" time signature?! haha.
wells thats the 1st time i got wrong for the portion. :p wat a record broken!
tink i was still sort of half awake.. was sleeping before i went for lessons..
dots. was i lookin that tired? even the teacher could tell!!
lols. even tho i din prac for like ages. i played without mistakes for my pieces?! O.o amazing huh?! :p
it seemed like i was the eldest out of them all. but not the only secondary student la. tink mostly all secondary. yep.
but.. i was sort of unusual.. got so helpful and talkative. den when one of them was flat i helped her to adjust.. wells.. den one of the flute was placed wrongly i turned it back?! whats up with me.. so helpful suddenly?! hahaha. well thats good la. its great to be helpful wat! hahaha.
den the teacher duno what la.. kp saying she very fang xin on me. hahas. den singing. i amazing did well again! o.O i usu do like shit for that :p
the teacher say you all must learn from the other student or like peizhen.. the other student sang loud and clear la.. her comments.. den for me is i sang very lady-like.. just nice clear and loud.. hahas.. suddenly got praised so much todae?! hahahs.. i mean ytd :p
went for lessons super on time. (one of the few times i was on time :p)
mr ang was sick.. den blame it on playing on my flute.. :p wells. i have no comments for this.. mabbe lor.. but i perfectly okay to it leh?!?? hmm.. mabbe i m more immune to that la.. hahas. well well.. he was like not that enthu lor. den i very enthu today. no i mean ytd. hahas. always opp wan. :p
came home after i got myself a packet of choco milk. its nice!!!
waited for my sis to wake up and go library. but in the end i fell asleep with my contacts on.. ouch! it hurts loads when i woke up lor. abt 10 plus plus alr. hai wo miss my show! :p today.. no ytd i was like pig lor. whole day sleep sleep sleep. :p okok.. its like 1.14AM alr.. betta go sleep or else later piano lesson sure blur blur again :p bet got aural again! >< i hate the singing portion. cos my pitching simply sux. and i noe the pitch but can't sing properly! :p wats wrong rite?! told ya sth is up wrong with me!!!
nitey all. sweet dreams to all.. shoo shoo nightmares. hahas. nightmares are scary!! but fang xin. sweet dreams will come to all! :)

-angry-

2004-08-05T22:31:00.000+08:00

dsafhdsgreatojrietjriejvmncmvnckjgijrwkewprpefkdolmfkdgmdfngir
dsignfdjkgnfioj triojrewrmoiejriejfdcnvjcngjfnutgnwriejwpmdskdc
fjkdsjfirjjewirjewrjekgmfdkgnfjngjfdgifetjirwjejreijrijkfjdsitjewr
idsjfijgifdjtrrdskndsfjdsnfjbvhjcb cirjoitjjtiwjutjihfglhktrkyijrwehrdcjkhkt
jhgtet5e6gethtygikuy5oipihfd5tg9tr5u1ikup;idghgdf45tyiuykgfdtssdgfdg

*venting anger on a pathetic keyboard*AH!!!!!

dshjfdhgruehenwjhasuifreynktlhmvij vnhc igy8dfgrqwjkrtruhgfnbkvcmhekl;mgop
tfjutyghruhjiortjkphtjopthth848gfi
ugi8u9+uyk5959kui4l18uil8u4li8u4liuluihkj

watever!

stressed up huh?!

2004-08-04T13:17:00.000+08:00

this qn has been in my mind for qte a while... m i stressed?
i doubt it.. and seriously hope its not true :p
but my mom claims that i m.. and for not knowing it i m more than just plain stressed but very... :p
seriously i never like this word stressed...
but nowadays i seen a drastic change in myself >< whats going wrong?! at where?
i becoming super duper duper super slack... slack till i today had test and i din feel like studying for it and just went to sleep.. >< whats wrong man? last time even if i tired till i just feel like collapsing i will still at least study a bit.. but now is i totally off. ><
SOMETHING'S WRONG!!!
oh no. where? how to solve it? i m really confused by myself... i have been so lazy at home.. that i dun even feel like updating on my blog.. or even the mere going online and oning the comp.. lazy to play lazy to work... just feel like doing one exact thing : SLEEP. m i a pig or wat? whole day feel like sleeping :p
ytd i slept at abt 10 plus. thats soooo super darn early yet i m still yawning away during the chi test?! and even dozing off. >< :p
(hehex. but the dozing off helped me suddenly dawn on an answer!) hehex. thats an exception :p
if not for this free period with nothing to do.. i tink i will just abandon my blog once again. :p i hate myself! i hate the lazy worm in me.. GET OFF ME!

just bored

2004-08-01T09:22:00.000+08:00

hahas.. joyce arh.. i at first have 3 wan. but lost the password for the other one. yep. hehe. no why for that la. just have lor :p

just some little bits of my current life..
trying real hard to cope up with studies cca and music.
studies. i m super lacking behind. total no time to revise and study. even do hw. i just do it in skool :p
cca. whole day just run abt and owing punishments again and again.. i doubt ever the lib can avoid being punished by ourselves.. :p wat a stupid thing.
music. having piano prac exam on 23 aug.. my aural and oral like shit. my scales just pass standard.. my pieces so-so. and here i m slacking not practising. lol :p

sick of all these. just wish to have the time to stop and let me take a breath >_<

POP outing and some stuffs...

2004-07-25T08:07:00.000+08:00

promised to post on POP outing. so here i m ;)
the best word to describe it is the best memories we n the seniors have together :D *cheers* at least there is now a good n best memory with them :D
anw it went like that..
first we had the normal ceremony and stuffs.. *so shocked by some of the results*
the results so were realli unexpected.. even the seniors said that too.. isn't it?! :O hahas.. e.g. bi xiu actually broke record and get 3 posts!!!! shocking! shocking!! hahahs.. hopefully she can handle it well :D main thing dun be stressed ;)
continuing.. we had lunch in skool.. qte cheap skate tho :p stupid me forgot to bring cam den din take any pics.. >_<
gave doreen n shuqi the presents one by one.. hahas.. a bit lame :p but little slight disappointment that they weren't very excited when they received the bolster.. cos i put in a lot of effort in it wan.. so did weilin.. and i actually skipped sleeping on fri nite just to complete the sewing..
well nvm.. den we check into the hotel.. had some little problem cos need an adult.. >_< in the end have to trouble shuqi's tuition teacher.. hahas. very funny scene eh?! lol. but said sorry to her.. to have created so much trouble.. hehx. but we still got it finally!!!
stayed in the room most of the time.. and tok tok tok tok tok.. etc.. eat too ;)
dinner time came.. doreen had to leave for nu unbound.. so me shuqi weilin xinhui huiqing left for fish n co for dinner.. super nice food there!! worth a try peeps! hahas ;)
after tat shuqi went to look for the clarinets to meet stephanie.. den we went back to the room.. at first wanted to watch mn show after doreen n shuqi return. but i too sleepy actually fell asleep first.. wahaha.. den my dad just kp calling n calling.. even said that he wants to come -.- so late alr.. den i said he's siao.. :p
den close my eyes and sleep again.. hahas. they all had a nice great laugh on me sleeping like a log :p or rather a pig?! hahas. sleep at 3 plus for a week n din sleep for 2 nites.. how can i ta han wat.. den the hotel bed is so nice too :D
sadly cos of me we missed the mn show :| my fault!
woke up at abt 7 plus den see no one awake den sleep again.. den woke up at 8 plus..
had breakfast at the hotel lobby.. not bad food there ;)
watched tv all the way till abt 11 plus near 12 den we check out of the room..

this may seems boring here.. but its realli of great great fun if u were me :D hahas..

but.. POP also symbolises sth.. them leaving :'(
POP also symbolises great responsibilities left on our shoulders. :(
POP also symbolises the coming of the final results of the band's futue -- SYF!!!

wat can i do?! just pray n hope for the best..

pop is over...

2004-07-18T22:27:00.000+08:00

time flies.. i miss the sec4s loads!! tho it was just sat that they pass down..
how i wish they can just stay forever.. i dun want them to leave :(
realli scared that i can't fulfil the post as SL and librarian.. noe nth much abt the library esp.. :( must realli go learn more abt it from christina..
SYF coming?! ><
why can't time just stop and let me have a break... or even a breath.. >< even taking a breath takes up time? >< i hate this.. time please stop..
POP outing was quite fun la.. but cld be made more fun if we had watched the mn movies..all cos of me.. sorry! can't help it.. din sleep at all on fri nite to finish up the sewin and presents.. the bed in the hotel so tempting too.. hahas. but u all had a gd laugh at me sleeping rite?! :p
hahas.. *thinks abt all the fond memories* how i wish time can be reversed and stay there forever.. hahas.
shall go finish up hw first.. update on POP outing the next post.

-bill-bill-hw-test-

2004-07-06T21:48:00.000+08:00

wats taking u up most now?!
homework? we-ell partially..
school? we-ell taking up my time la. tat's obvious :p
bill!! debts!! i m so so broke now! >< trying to find a way to get money from my parents.. but sort of dun dare?! can't?! :p
i realli wonder.. i can ask my parents anything in the world.. except for money ><
strange huh?!
i dun get it myself either..
tan qian shang gan qing ba! hehx.
anw mep harmony test tml.. chi zuo wen n ying yong wen also not done ><
hais~~ betta go mug go finish hw liao...
*drags myself away from comp*

short and sweet post

2004-07-02T23:47:00.000+08:00

heex. lazy to type long posts alr. :p
B-U day tml was nice.. much nicer than last year's. :) 3 Faith pple were qte enthu abt it too ;)
the earring part was real joke!!! :p

not bad! i m philosophical. hahas. pro!
explosive -.-" hahas.. well bad temper i agree.. like how i almost explosive tdy during flute lesson. :p

*yawns* gna sleep liao.. real early!! the other time din manage to lor :p
tml is Os Chinese Listening liao!! its so fast.. time flies.. tat's no doubt abt it!
*treasure your time cos it flies every sec every min every hour..*
nitey!

rejoice~!

2004-07-01T22:04:00.000+08:00

time for relax...
time for slack..
muahahahaha...
CHINESE TEST IS FINALLY OVER!!!! gd enuff reason to rejoice rite?! YES! absolutely ;)
after the few nites of not enuff sleep. din sleep well and stuffs.. i gna sleep real early real deep into my sleep tonite!
tonite is the very nite! ;)
look forward to B-U day tml..
hahaz.. just imagining all those pple with the hair tied high up there. ROFL.
real funnie one...
hahahahahahhahahaha.
oops gna mad again. everytime after a test also mad mad wan. hehe.
gna have my beauty sleep ;) nitey~!

sliently and secretly back for a while..

2004-06-30T00:46:00.000+08:00

shh.. not supposed to be blogging liao.. hehez. but no one around now. so.. nvm laz.
today's lesson.no.. i mean ytd. was qte fun but usu boring too. hahs.
got news of chinese Os.
so fast arh?! like i still feel like sec1? ><
why must time pass so fast when i dun wish to and yet so slow when i wish it wld be faster gone?! contridictionz..
taking on 8 july -- Chinese Oral. with all the diligence pple o.O
like those chao pro de china scholars.. or chinese elites. ><
can see my marks grown wings.. grown legs.. or even have magical powers.
*disappeared*
hais~ sigh sigh. hopefully the teacher is real nice. and consider us as normal students and not elites to mark.. or else i bet much worse den just the skool's exam.
enuff of shang xin stressing stuffs..
gtg sleep sleep liao..
*yawns*
tata~! nitey..

school's back..

2004-06-28T23:26:00.000+08:00

skool's back to claim me! :p
back to hectic skool life... no more slack slack liao :p
Os chinese coming too... gotta jia you ;)

*wun be blogging much*
tata~!

one day more to...

2004-06-26T22:28:00.000+08:00

u noe wat.. of cos i bet u noe. skool reopen ><
not tat i hate skool or wat. in fact i luv skool but just tat skool life is too hectic for me to enjoy it.. too much stress at times.. esp those tat i push on myself..
hw far from half done.. its only half done.. and still far!! wats more can be worse?!
well i noe many will say there's much more worse stuffs like death.. poor. etc. :p
i noe. but i just cant let go. teach me a way?? hais..

camp
total failure?! >< everything was so messed up. so damn it! i bet the sec4s are super disappointed with us. :'( nominations.. was erp.. new?! with actually instru playing >< plyaed like shit... the flute was so cold with the air con blowing on it for so long. and had to play without warm up.. wat can be worse man.. i did so shitty for the nominations i feel. >< certain cant get post or sth like tat liao :( hais.. seniors all say its the usual routine band life tat counts.. well i did worse for tat? i regretted lota wat happened in sec1.. sec2.. and now.. no more time.. sec4s are leaving. i did not have much with them!!! how can they just leave like tat?? no.. i dun want.

stupid stuffs i found out.
after POP seniors still coming back for prac? wat the.. wat type of stupid POP is tat?
i was tinking mabbe the sec4s wanna see how we lead? help us a little more.. but.. well.. its just weird. just weird...

gonna have a lunch time concert soon. but not really excited abt tat. duno why either. mabbe cos then i had a terrible stomachache.. spoils everything.. hais.

back again~~

2004-06-22T21:36:00.001+08:00

back from thailand phuket
did very little shopping. :( but went to many beachs and played real mad :D
real fun!!! hehe :))
but have a stupid wound with me.. hurts every now and then.. haven even heal finish now :(
went swimming almost every day. got sun burnt (ouch!) it hurts.
my sis turn to a "malay" la.. much more worse. wahahaha.
enuff of thailand.

day after tml (haha! show name! nice show :D) -- band camp. NOMINATION!
*scared*
hopefully all will be well! :)

airport

2004-06-17T01:16:00.000+08:00

went to airport to send sil off todae (16/6).
tho i noe u noe she will be back. hehe. just for the fun
going there tml (17/6) actually todae la. hehe
haven even packed my luggage :p another shitty packing time >< hate dis
loading the pics from my camera of the harbin pics now..
laggy comp :p
hopefully my wounds wun be in the way of me having fun at thailand :D
tata~!

injured...

2004-06-16T02:01:00.000+08:00

first up on bio wkshop. wasn't injured then. :p
had role playing. darn funnie. i acted as parents.
irritating complaint complaint lot... hahas.
we "wept" and "cried", even "striked" for our children -.-''
i felt qte lame la. but it was super fun :D

next to chalet. supposed to be fun. :)
met up with vincent and fel at amk mrt to go there together.
realised had to buy food b4 going there ><
5 pple.. met trouble with stupid cab >< but finally a nice taxi driver took us all :D
the taxi driver was.. crappy la.. nutrients and blah blah.. etc. *falling asleep*
reached there abt 4 plus..
started bbq. din help much in tat >< *guilty*
ate very little for dinner. but amazingly not hungry now :p we-ell mabbe tml morning i will eat like a glutton. hahas
cycling... came the disaster ><
borrowed bike from silvia tong. but the stupid old pok bike brakes got prob.
front wheel stuck. me cycling at qte high speed.
*flung to the side*
thot grass will not be pain. but i missed the grass... fell rite on the super rough floor
no shoes on then too ><
some skin on hands and legs got peeled off... *pain*
din bleed at first. den wind blow.. super pain.. blood starts to flow..
stupid bike still stuck ><
missed qte a bit of fun..
had some difficulties moving abt.. esp on the beach :( (me luv beach walk!!!)

mine wasnt the worst... there was a incident that i din witness..
To pearly: take care ya?! i real worried for u when i got the news abt it. hang on there when its pain.. it will be over soon :)
heard that she dislocated her arm >< thats super duper painful!!!
it was a bike incident too.. cycling rox usu. but not this time ><

ouch.. my wounds are hurting... even as i type ><
better go rest alr.. tata~!

piano lessons..

2004-06-14T22:25:00.000+08:00

-post supposed to be on sat-
piano? rox!!
but the lessons? hais.. stressed..
got scolded thru out the whole lesson on sat.
scold~scold~scold...
scold as i played scales.. songs.. everything la.
1 hour of darn scolding ><

reflections after concert

2004-06-12T00:38:00.000+08:00

oops. realised my prev post only on flowers and people?! hehe. back to music..
music was nice.. ermm. we-ell on da whole..
me made a few mistakes :( -sad*
high notes at first can play den suddenly cant. esp the starting part. :( *sad
xinhui's flute... ouch! how can that happen?! :'( sure she was sad. *consoles*
american graffiti was.. dead!! so darn dead.. i cld feel my body stiffen. :p
wanted to move with da music. but.z..
oh well.. stiff as ice thats how i felt. ><
its bad isnt it?! -sobs-
SYF... less than a year more...
POP... less than a mth more...
(can we even survive without the sec4s?!)the answer is obvious isnt it?
soloist= sec4
best player= sec4 too!
wat more can be worse?! dis****ing?? i hate that.. it gonna be censored out! >< -crys-
nooo...

back from concert

2004-06-12T00:28:00.000+08:00

hehe. can't wait to post a post on the concert!!! so here i m @ wee hours of the nitey posting on my bloggie. lol.. :D
concert was fun fun fun!!! experience gained ;)
bought flowers for qte a number of pple... but cldnt find them just now :(-sad- took home 2 or 3? forgot how many. that i bought for them. wat a waste!!
but got flowers from anqing, weiling, alicia, jie ying, silvia!!! :D u gurls rox!!! the flowers were nicee.. my wishie came true too :D
Thanks to all who came.. special thanks to those who gave me flowers!!!

a few more hours to go!!!!

2004-06-11T10:33:00.000+08:00

woah. excited!!! hehe.
after the question asked: how many public concerts? :( this is only the 2nd one?! o.o
-sad*reflects*-
after all only having very few concerts den can we exp the excitment for the concert?! :)) -cheers up!!-
gotta prepare to go meet up in skool alr.
-wishes: all will be well and great!! hahaha :)-

accomplished!!

2004-06-11T02:01:00.000+08:00

feeling quite accomplished after editing my template and blog :))
cant get to sleep tho feeling real tired
-yawns-
mabbe just thinking of sth? but.. what is it?
-wonders- brain dead detected!!!
oops. gotta rest my brain.
tata~!

lost and recover

2004-06-11T01:16:00.000+08:00

back on ta blogspot again :)) lost the password and actually username too for my prev blogspot account :p hehe. so setting up another one :D hopefully it will be just as successful and active as the one in diary-x.com.. hehe. a bit lame la. having 2 blogs at the same time... den i gonna update 2 at a time too ;) a bit greedy. but well nvm. mabbe alternate days la..
-yawns-
gonna sleep real soon
band concert tml!!!!
TO ALL GOING! rmb to get me flowers ya??!! hehe. (so thick skinned :p) we-ell sometimes we have to be to get things we want. hahas. internal quarrel again.. lol.
-yawns-